When a marriage is unraveling—when the silence is heavier than the words, when the touch feels forced, when the resentment hangs in the air like smoke—it’s tempting to reach for something, anything, that might make it feel alive again.
And one of the most common suggestions these days?
“Maybe we should try an open relationship.”
The hope is that more excitement, more connection, more novelty will breathe life back into a bond that feels cold. But here’s the truth that hurts: open relationships don’t fix broken foundations—they expose them.
The Real Translation
When a couple says, “Let’s try being open,” what’s often being said underneath is:
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“I don’t feel seen anymore.”
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“You don’t want me the way you used to.”
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“I’m angry and I don’t know how to talk about it.”
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“I miss feeling desired.”
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“We’ve stopped being teammates.”
Trying to bring other people into the mix doesn’t heal those wounds. It distracts from them. And distractions might work for a while—they might even feel good for a moment—but they don’t rebuild trust. They don’t rebuild safety. They don’t make you want to come home at the end of the day.
A Dying Marriage Doesn’t Need More People—It Needs More Honesty
If a relationship is barely holding on, the answer isn’t to crack the door wider. It’s to turn toward each other and say the hard things out loud.
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“I feel alone in this.”
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“I’m scared we’ve drifted too far.”
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“I miss us.”
That kind of honesty is raw. It’s terrifying. But it’s also the only way back to intimacy that isn’t manufactured or borrowed from someone else.
Pain Is a Signal, Not a Problem to Bypass
A struggling marriage hurts for a reason. That pain is the body’s and heart’s way of saying: Pay attention.
Opening up the relationship might feel like a way to skip the hard conversations, to put a bandage over years of distance and resentment.
But the only way to heal is to go through it. To sit in the discomfort. To name what’s broken. To grieve what’s been lost. And to choose, day after day, to rebuild.
Not with other people. Not with performance. Not with distractions.
With honesty. With presence. With grace.
Don’t Confuse Escape With Freedom
Open relationships in strong, honest, deeply connected partnerships? That’s a different conversation. But when one partner is dying inside and the other feels like a stranger in their own home? That’s not a launchpad—it’s a lifeboat.
And lifeboats aren’t meant for adventure. They’re meant for survival.
If you’re thinking about opening your marriage to save it, pause. Not to judge. Not to shame. Just to get still and ask:
What am I really hoping this will fix?
Because the answer isn’t more people. It’s more truth.