Let’s get one thing straight right out of the gate: you are not your thoughts.
You are not the horrifying image that popped into your head while you were brushing your teeth this morning. You are not the “what if I swerve into oncoming traffic?” thought that showed up uninvited while you were driving. And you’re not broken, crazy, or evil because your brain served up some dark, weird, or downright terrifying content.
You’re human.
And if you’re human, you’re going to have intrusive thoughts.
So, What Are Intrusive Thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, unexpected, and often disturbing thoughts that pop into your mind without warning. They’re the mental equivalent of someone kicking open your front door, yelling something insane, and running away. You’re left standing there thinking, What the hell just happened?
They can be violent, sexual, self-destructive, or just totally random. And here’s what makes them so tricky: they usually attack the things you care most about. You love your spouse? Here comes a thought about hurting them. You care about being a good parent? Here comes a thought about something unthinkable happening to your child—and worse, that it might be your fault.
It’s terrifying. It’s confusing. It’s exhausting. And it’s way more common than you think.
The Truth About Intrusive Thoughts
Intrusive thoughts thrive in silence and shame. You think, If anyone ever knew what just went through my head, they’d leave me. They’d call the cops. They’d lock me up. So you bury it. You try not to think about it, which—ironically—only gives it more power.
Let me be clear here: having a disturbing thought doesn’t mean you’re going to act on it. In fact, the very fact that it disturbs you tells me a lot about your character. Sociopaths don’t wrestle with intrusive thoughts. They don’t feel guilt, fear, or shame. You do. That’s a good sign.
So What Do You Do?
Here’s what I tell people I work with:
1. Acknowledge the Thought Without Judgment
Don’t fight it. Don’t argue with it. Don’t shove it away. Just notice it.
Say, “That’s a weird one. Okay, brain, thanks for that.”
Your brain is like a hyperactive puppy—it brings you stuff all day long. Some of it’s useful. Some of it’s garbage. You don’t need to punish yourself for what your brain brings to the door.
2. Get Curious, Not Panicked
Instead of spiraling into What does this mean about me?, try asking, Why now? Are you stressed? Sleep-deprived? Lonely? Triggered by something you saw or remembered?
Curiosity quiets shame. It helps you see patterns, instead of feeling like a ticking time bomb.
3. Talk to Someone Safe
When you say an intrusive thought out loud to a trusted friend, therapist, or counselor, it loses its teeth. Shame thrives in the dark. It dies in the light.
Find someone who can handle the messiness of real life and say, “Hey, this thought came up today and it really scared me.” Chances are, they’ll say, “I’ve had stuff like that, too.”
4. Ground Yourself in Reality
Breathe. Feel your feet on the ground. Name five things in the room. Call your thoughts what they are: just thoughts. Not prophecy. Not destiny. Not commands.
Remind yourself: I’m here. I’m safe. I’m not my thoughts.
5. Don’t Give It Power
The more you obsess, the more the thought lingers. Like a toddler throwing a tantrum, sometimes the best response is to notice it… and then keep going. Wash the dishes. Walk the dog. Send the email. Take the next right step.
When to Get Help
If intrusive thoughts are starting to interfere with your daily life—if they keep you up at night, make you afraid to be around others, or cause panic attacks—it’s time to talk to a professional.
There’s no shame in that. In fact, reaching out is one of the bravest things you can do. You’re not weak. You’re not broken. You’re a human being doing hard work to get healthy.
Final Word
You are not the worst thing your brain has ever suggested. You are not your thoughts—you are the one watching your thoughts. You’re allowed to feel afraid and still move forward. You’re allowed to feel shame and still choose connection. You’re allowed to be a work in progress and still show up for your life.
Intrusive thoughts don’t get the final say. You do.