A few days ago, a friend texted me asking if I could review her daughter’s college essay. She’d been stressing over it, and they just wanted “another set of eyes.” Normally, I’d say yes—because I like to be helpful, because I like being the person people can count on. But this time, something stopped me.
I remembered a phrase I’d come across recently:
Instead of saying “I don’t have time,” try saying, “It’s not a priority.”
And see how that feels.
So I said it—quietly, in my own head:
“I’m not reviewing this essay… because it’s not a priority.”
Oof.
It felt cold. It felt selfish. It felt… true.
Not because I didn’t care about my friend or her daughter. But because I had promised myself this week would be about rest. About finally seeing a physical therapist. About making dinner without staring at a screen. About getting to bed before 11 p.m.
And the more I practiced this phrase throughout the week—swapping out “I’m too busy” for “it’s not a priority”—the more uncomfortable truths it uncovered.
Our Words Shape Our Reality
We often say we don’t have time as if time is a natural disaster that happens to us. But most of the time, we do have time. We’re just choosing—consciously or not—how we spend it.
Behavioral researchers have long known that how we frame decisions matters. In cognitive psychology, this is called reframing—changing the way you think about something in order to change how you feel and behave. And when it comes to time, reframing “busy” as a matter of priorities can jolt us into alignment—or show us just how far off we are.
What It Revealed About My Week
Here are a few things I said to myself:
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“I’m not working out this morning… because it’s not a priority.”
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“I’m not calling my dad back… because it’s not a priority.”
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“I’m not meditating, even though I keep saying I want to… because it’s not a priority.”
That last one really got me. I keep saying I want to feel calmer, less reactive, more grounded. But when it comes down to it, I pick up my phone and scroll. Not because I don’t have time. But because in that moment, something else feels more important.
The Power (and Discomfort) of Honesty
This simple phrase doesn’t shame you. It just forces honesty.
Sometimes that honesty is a relief. Saying, “Making TikToks about my dog is a priority for me right now” might sound ridiculous to someone else—but if it brings you joy, if it connects you with others, that’s valid. It’s real.
Other times, the phrase stings. And that sting is a sign that something needs to change—not your schedule, but your values in action.
How to Try It Yourself
If you’re curious, here’s a small experiment for the next few days:
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Catch yourself saying “I don’t have time.”
For anything—a workout, a phone call, writing, cooking, dating. -
Rephrase it as “It’s not a priority.”
Say it out loud. Notice how it feels. -
Get curious, not judgmental.
Does it align with your values? Or does it make you wince? -
Let the discomfort teach you something.
Not everything should be a priority. But some things probably shouldn’t be neglected, either.
Time Is a Mirror
Time doesn’t lie. Our hours reflect our values—whether we mean them to or not. And language, as small as it seems, helps us see those reflections clearly.
That one simple phrase didn’t give me more hours in my day. But it gave me something even more valuable: the clarity to stop apologizing for what matters to me, and the courage to gently realign what doesn’t.
It changed my week.
And it might just change yours, too.