There’s a lie that’s as old as time. A lie we love telling ourselves because it makes the world feel safer. It goes like this:
“I wouldn’t have said that if they hadn’t pushed me.”
“I wouldn’t have acted that way if they hadn’t hurt me first.”
“I lost my temper because they made me.”
No. They didn’t.
Nobody made you do anything.
You did that.
You reacted that way.
You chose that behavior.
And you have to own it.
Listen, I’m not saying people don’t hurt us. They do. I’m not saying people don’t disrespect you or betray you or kick you when you’re already on the ground. They do.
But the moment you hand over the keys to your emotional car and say, “They made me do it,” you’ve given away your freedom. You’ve turned yourself into a puppet, letting other people pull the strings of your words, your actions, and your life.
You are not a puppet.
You are a person.
And every day you are faced with a hundred small choices: How to respond. How to act. How to show up.
Nobody controls your choices but you.
If you snap at your spouse after a long day — that’s you choosing not to deal with your stress in a healthy way.
If you ghost a friend because you’re uncomfortable having a hard conversation — that’s you choosing avoidance.
If you blow up at a coworker because you felt slighted — that’s you choosing anger instead of courage.
We’ve all done it. Me too. I’m not preaching from some mountaintop — I’m down here in the dirt with you. But the only way out is through radical ownership.
You have to be honest enough to say:
“I chose to react that way.”
“I chose to say those words.”
“I chose to walk away instead of leaning in.”
Because once you realize you chose it — you can start choosing differently.
And that’s the whole point.
Ownership isn’t about beating yourself up. It’s not about shame. It’s about power. It’s about taking back your agency and saying:
“I can’t control other people. I can’t control the world. But I sure as hell can control myself.”
The work is hard. Some days you’ll screw up. Some days you’ll feel like you’re carrying a 500-pound backpack uphill. That’s okay. You’re human.
But the more you choose to own your actions — without blaming, without excuse-making, without spiraling into self-pity — the freer you’ll become.
You are responsible for you.
Not your parents.
Not your ex.
Not your boss.
Not your partner.
You.
And that’s the best news you’ll hear all day.
Because if you’re the problem, you’re also the solution.
You are stronger than you think. You are more capable than you know. And you are absolutely, without a doubt, powerful enough to take full ownership of your life.
No one made you do it.
You chose it.
And starting today — you can choose differently.