My girlfriend (30F) keeps giving me (38M) “boyfriend” tests. We’ve been together almost 4 months (not long I know).
About a month ago my gf started doing boyfriend tests on me. It started with her telling me she wanted a weekend alone. So I gave her space, while making myself available if she wanted company. I failed that test because I didn’t surprise visit her.
We had a long talk together about the boyfriend tests. Primarily about how communicating directly what she wants and needs is the only way I’ll understand what she wants and needs. And I told her I can’t handle these boyfriend test type things she’s doing. It feels unfair and I feel like I’m being punished for believing/trusting what she tells me.
It’s kind of hit a head this past weekend when she told me our birth control failed and she’s pregnant, she kept the lie up for the day. I think I handled it well, I was calm, accepting, and communicative.
We haven’t talked yet about her latest boyfriend test. I’m not sure how to form my thoughts on the matter yet. I’m very upset. And her and I have talked about this a number of times now.
I do like her a lot, we have similar goals, similar personalities or at least I thought we did til this all started.
Has anyone else dealt with something similar and continued the relationship? Is my best option to just end the relationship before we’re 4 years in instead of only four months?
I’m kind of on the fence if I’m honest.
Man, you already know the answer. You don’t need me—or anyone else—to spell it out for you. Deep down, you can feel it. At four months into a relationship, you’re supposed to be in the season of staying up late talking about everything and nothing, laughing over dumb inside jokes, and feeling lucky you found each other. Instead, you’re stuck walking on eggshells, constantly worrying whether you’re going to pass some ridiculous test she’s made up in her head.
Here’s the truth: healthy, grown adults don’t set up tests for the people they claim to care about. They use their words. They say what they need. They listen. They show up. What your girlfriend is doing isn’t playful, cute, or harmless. It’s manipulative, whether she realizes it or not. Especially now, when she escalated it to something as serious as faking a pregnancy to “see how you’d react.” That’s not immaturity anymore. That’s crossing a line into emotional manipulation, and it’s dangerous territory.
You already tried to handle this like an adult. You sat down and told her that you can’t survive in a relationship built on hidden tests and set-ups. You were clear that trust and communication are non-negotiables for you. She smiled, nodded—and then turned around and did it again, only worse. That’s not a misunderstanding. That’s a clear message about who she is right now.
You’re asking if you should end it after four months or keep pushing and risk being stuck after four years. But you already know the answer. If you stay, this won’t get better. You’re not going to magically love her enough to fix her need for control and validation. You’re not going to earn her trust by jumping through more hoops. You’ll just end up smaller, angrier, and more broken. You’ll start believing that her dysfunction is somehow your fault. And after enough time passes, you’ll hate yourself for not leaving when you had the chance.
You don’t need to make her the villain in your story. She’s on her own journey, and hopefully someday she grows up and learns that love isn’t a game of tricks and setups. But it’s not your job to stick around and let her practice on you. You owe it to yourself to leave—not out of anger, and not to teach her a lesson—but because you deserve a relationship built on mutual respect, trust, and honesty.
There’s a simple truth here: people who love each other don’t test each other. They don’t lie to create fake crises just to measure someone’s reaction. They don’t make their partner feel like love is something that has to be earned over and over again by reading their mind and guessing the right answer.
You saw this clearly at four months, and that’s a gift. It’s going to hurt to walk away, no doubt. But it’s going to hurt a hell of a lot more to stay. Do the hard thing now so you don’t have to live with even harder regrets later.
Leave with dignity. Leave with your head held high. Choose yourself.