There’s a line a lot of people like to quote from religious texts and cultural traditions: “Honor your father and mother.” And that’s good advice. Really. They raised you, fed you, taught you (hopefully), and shaped parts of who you are.
But here’s the part no one says out loud: you honor your parents by growing up—not by staying under their thumb.
If you’re married—or even just seriously committed—and you’re still making decisions based on “What will my mom think?” or “I don’t want to upset my dad,” then I’ve got news for you: you’re not in an adult partnership. You’re still emotionally at home.
And if your wife constantly feels like she has to compete with your mom for your time, attention, or loyalty? You’re not “being respectful.” You’re being passive. You’re abandoning your marriage under the guise of tradition.
Read that again.
It’s not disrespectful to create boundaries with your family of origin. It’s responsible. It’s healthy. It’s necessary. Because your wife is not a visitor in your old life. She’s your new life. She’s not your roommate or your second job or your “when convenient” obligation. She’s your partner. Your team. Your home base.
And she is not crazy or jealous or dramatic for wanting to feel like a priority.
Building a strong marriage means protecting it. And sometimes, that protection means telling your mom no. Or pushing back when your dad steps out of line. Or choosing to show up for your wife—especially when it’s inconvenient, uncomfortable, or goes against the pattern you’ve lived in your whole life.
Let me be blunt: you can’t build a future if you’re constantly deferring to your past.
You want your parents to feel honored? Then let them see the man they raised step into the role of a husband with full integrity. Let them witness how he shows up, puts his wife first, makes hard calls, has his own spine, and builds something beautiful. Let them be proud of how you broke generational patterns that said women should stay quiet, men should stay loyal to mommy, and wives should be grateful for scraps of attention.
You don’t have to disrespect your parents to build something real with your wife.
But you do have to choose.
Because love isn’t just a feeling. Love is direction.
And if your compass still points toward your childhood home, don’t be surprised when your marriage feels like it’s going nowhere.
Honor where you came from.
But build with the person you said “yes” to.
Every single day.