We’ve been married for over six years and have known each other for more than a decade. While he earns more than I do, we split all our shared expenses down the middle, including the mortgage. He covers his own subscriptions and personal spending, and I do the same.
Lately, though, he’s been asking me to pay him back for gas. For instance, if we decide to grab dinner together, he’ll make a “joke” about me owing him for the gas—even if we took separate cars and he wasn’t that interested in going out in the first place. Most recently, after dropping me off and driving my car home, he noticed it was low on fuel and filled it up. Then he sent me a photo of the receipt and asked me to reimburse him.
Is this normal behavior in a marriage?
Let’s get something straight: relationships are not a series of Venmo transactions.
Yes, couples should be aligned on money. Yes, fairness matters. And yes, both people should contribute. But when your husband starts itemizing shared experiences like he’s your Uber driver—and then sends you receipts—you’re not dealing with a financial issue. You’re dealing with a relational one.
You’ve been married for over six years. That’s a long time to be playing roommate math. Asking you to split bills is one thing. Asking you to reimburse him for gas after taking your car? That’s something else entirely. It reveals a mentality that’s not about partnership—it’s about keeping score. And here’s the problem with keeping score in a marriage: someone always ends up losing.
This isn’t about a few dollars for gas. It’s about what kind of emotional economy is operating in your marriage. Is he treating you like an equal partner? Or like a financial liability he has to invoice? Is he being playful when he makes those “jokes” about gas money—or is there a deeper resentment simmering beneath the surface?
Relationships run on generosity, not nickel-and-diming. The most stable partnerships have a shared understanding of “ours”—our life, our goals, our wins, our expenses. If everything stays in the “mine/yours” category, it creates a wedge. Not necessarily a dramatic explosion—but a slow erosion of trust and warmth. And that’s often harder to fix than a one-time blow-up.
Here’s what I’d suggest:
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Don’t argue about gas money.
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Talk about what it means when your partner sends you a receipt for filling up your own tank.
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Ask him what fairness looks like to him.
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Then share what partnership looks like to you.
Because if one of you thinks marriage is a joint venture, and the other thinks it’s a 50/50 split ledger? You’re not really building a life together. You’re just two people co-managing expenses under the same roof.
And that’s not a marriage. That’s a spreadsheet.