I’m a 28-year-old man who’s recently committed to getting fit after years of unhealthy habits. My wife, 30, and I both fell into a sedentary lifestyle during our six years together. But five months ago, I decided to turn things around. I’ve dropped my body fat from 30% to 19% and set a goal of reaching 10%.
I’ve also taken up long-distance running. I started at 5 miles, then 10, and now 15. I’m aiming for 20 miles soon. But whenever I share these goals with my wife, she brushes them off as “unrealistic.” She’s never acknowledged my progress or offered encouragement. In fact, I feel like she’s been dismissive of the changes I’m proud of.
Now, I hesitate to talk to her about my fitness journey at all. Am I making too much of this? How should I handle it?
First—huge respect for what you’ve accomplished. Dropping from 30% to 19% body fat? That’s not just a physical change—that’s discipline, commitment, and a total mindset shift. And you’re aiming for 10%? Man, you’re on a mission. But I want to talk less about the scale and the miles and more about what’s really going on here.
You’ve written in about fitness goals, but what I’m hearing is loneliness. You’ve made a powerful change in your life, and it’s exciting and life-giving for you—but it’s also creating distance in your marriage. And here’s the hard truth: anytime someone in a relationship grows or transforms in a big way, it shakes the ground under both people’s feet.
Your wife isn’t criticizing you because she doesn’t want good things for you. She’s watching the man she married change in front of her eyes. Maybe she’s scared. Maybe she feels left behind. Maybe she wonders, “If he changes too much, will he still want me?” Or maybe it’s hitting an insecurity in her own life that she doesn’t have words for yet.
When she says your goals are “unrealistic,” it’s probably not about the number on the scale or the distance you’re running. It’s about her fear that she’s losing her teammate.
Here’s what I’d ask you to do:
Don’t stop. Keep pursuing health. You’re doing something meaningful, and it matters.
Invite her into your world. Not by pushing her to run 20 miles, but by saying, “Hey, I’ve realized I’m spending a lot of energy on this new goal, but I want to make sure I’m not leaving us behind. How are you feeling about all of this?”
Listen without defending. Her feelings aren’t a critique of you. They’re a window into what she’s experiencing.
Reconnect outside of fitness. Go on dates. Do things together that aren’t about health or working out. Remind each other why you’re in this together.
It’s tempting to pull away when you feel unsupported, but I’m going to challenge you to lean toward her instead. Don’t let resentment build. You don’t want to wake up one day and realize you’ve hit every fitness milestone but lost your marriage in the process.
You’re not overthinking this. You’re paying attention to something really important. Now it’s time to do the courageous thing: have the hard conversations, ask the deeper questions, and fight for connection.
You got this..