I’m a 28-year-old woman, married with a child. I’ve been friends with a 29-year-old man for about a decade. We’ve never dated or slept together, though there was some flirtation in our younger years. He got married just over a year ago and often vents about being unhappy. I’ve always told him to talk to his wife or seek therapy instead of confiding only in me.
A few months back, I opened up to him about the struggles in my own marriage—something I rarely do. Not long after, he started flirting with me via text. At first, I thought he was joking, but the messages became more direct. He told me he wanted to be with me. I haven’t reciprocated. I can’t bring myself to cheat, especially not with someone I’ve called a friend for so long.
I now wonder if he saw my vulnerability as a green light. He knows I’m not happy, and maybe he thought it was his chance.
Now I feel stuck. I value our history and he’s supported me through tough times, but this new dynamic feels deeply wrong. I don’t know if I should cut him off or try to salvage the friendship.
This guy is not your friend. I don’t care how long you’ve known him, what you’ve been through together, or how lonely you’re feeling in your own marriage. He’s not being a friend—he’s being a predator. He saw an opening in your pain and pounced. That’s not compassion. That’s exploitation. And it’s disgusting.
You told him you were struggling. Vulnerably. Honestly. And instead of supporting you like a real friend would—by encouraging you to fight for your marriage, to get help, to heal—he saw a crack in the wall and tried to slither through it. That’s not just disrespect to your marriage. That’s disrespect to you.
Let’s be even more clear: he’s married. And instead of putting in the work with his own wife, he’s trying to light a fire somewhere else. That’s cowardice. That’s laziness. That’s a man not willing to face his own pain, so he tries to distract himself with yours. And the fact that he’s pushing this while you have a child at home? It makes my blood boil.
Now about your part in this—you’ve been honest. You’ve held a boundary. You’ve kept your integrity. And I want you to hear this: you don’t owe him anything. Not your time. Not your empathy. Not your friendship. You get to say, “This is over,” and walk away without guilt.
And your marriage? It’s hurting. I hear that. I feel it. And it deserves more than secrecy and silence. You’ve got to stop pushing it to the background. Get counseling. Talk to someone you trust. Do the work to figure out if this can be saved. But don’t let it die in the dark while you’re entertaining attention from someone else.
You’re not confused. You’re just scared. Scared to lose the friendship, scared to be honest about your marriage, scared to take the hard next step. But you are brave enough. You already have been.
Burn the bridge. Block the number. Choose your family. Choose healing. And for the love of God, choose your dignity.
Let’s go.