I’ve been married a year, and something about my uncle’s behavior toward my wife is starting to feel off. I’m 29, white, and my wife is 27 and Asian. My uncle is in his 50s, married with kids, and we see him regularly at family gatherings.
It started with weird “jokey” voicemails he left for my wife after a New Year’s party—asking if she liked cheesecake, laughing, that kind of thing. My family thought it was hilarious, so I brushed it off. But at Thanksgiving, things escalated. We were playing a risqué party game, and he read a card with a sexual innuendo, then wrapped his arm around my wife and said, “Why don’t you let me show you?” She was clearly uncomfortable and got up to stand by me.
Later that night, while I was in the bathroom, he physically picked her up—completely unprompted. No conversation led to it, and she told him to put her down. My dad was the one who told me it happened, and he looked uncomfortable about it too.
I don’t want to blow up the family dynamic, but I can’t ignore this anymore. Is it time to say something?
Yes. It’s past time.
Your uncle crossed the line—several times. And every time you excuse it as “he’s just joking” or “my family laughed,” you’re letting him know it’s okay to keep pushing those boundaries.
Let’s be crystal clear: calling your wife late at night for flirty voicemails, making sexual comments, putting his arm around her during a dirty game, and then physically picking her up without her consent? That’s not playful. That’s predatory.
And your wife’s discomfort is the only clue you need. She moved away. She told him to put her down. She’s not laughing. She’s being polite—and likely hoping you will step up and protect her when she’s too outnumbered or caught off guard to defend herself.
You don’t have to scream. You don’t have to start a family war. But you do need to draw a clear line. Pull your uncle aside, man to man, and say, “The way you interact with my wife makes her uncomfortable—and me too. Don’t touch her. Don’t flirt. It’s disrespectful, and it stops now.”
You can be calm. You can be firm. But you cannot be silent. Silence tells her she’s on her own—and tells him he can keep getting away with it.
You married your wife. That makes her your partner, your equal, and your responsibility to stand up for. If you won’t, who will?
This doesn’t have to be a rift—unless he makes it one. But even if it does, protecting your wife’s safety and dignity is worth every ounce of fallout.