I’m in my mid-20s, pursuing a master’s degree, and building my career. My boyfriend, who I love deeply and who treats me better than anyone I’ve dated, is unemployed, hasn’t finished his degree, and lacks ambition. He says he wants the same life goals—financial stability, travel, a good career—but does little to work toward them. I have to push him just to apply for jobs, and he always has an excuse to delay it.
He wants us to have an equal partnership, yet he’s not making moves to meet me halfway. Meanwhile, I find myself shouldering the financial planning and imagining a future where I’m the sole provider. This isn’t the life I envisioned. We’re great together in every other way, and I genuinely love him, which makes this even harder.
But I’m starting to lose attraction because of his lack of drive. Can I get past this? Or is this a sign we’re simply in different places in life?
Love is powerful, but it’s not a substitute for alignment on values, life goals, and effort. You’re not asking for wealth or status—you’re asking for motivation, accountability, and a partner who actively builds a shared future. That’s more than fair.
The issue here isn’t laziness—it’s incompatibility. You’re driven, forward-looking, and putting in the work. He may be kind and loving, but if he consistently fails to take initiative or follow through on promises, that gap will grow.
It’s easy to get stuck in the hope that love can pull someone up to your level of ambition. But relationships thrive on mutual respect, growth, and shared responsibility—not just affection. You’re not wrong for feeling what you feel, and you’re not “shallow” for needing more than emotional compatibility.
You’ve been honest with him. The next step is to be honest with yourself: Can you accept him exactly as he is today, with no guarantee of change? If not, you may be holding onto a version of him that only exists in potential.
Grieve the loss if it comes to that, but don’t sacrifice your future to stay comfortable in the present. A truly compatible partner won’t need to be pushed—they’ll meet you with momentum.