My 18-year-old son was thriving—not only excelling in a competitive sport with Olympic potential, but also socially and academically. That all started to unravel after he began dating his current girlfriend.
Since meeting her, he’s isolated himself from friends and family, dropped out of high school, and stopped training seriously. He now spends most of his time either waiting for her outside her school, walking her to and from class, or being glued to his phone talking to her. If he doesn’t comply, she calls him crying, yelling, and manipulating him emotionally.
I’ve tried being kind to her—inviting her to family events, baking for her, even giving her gifts—but she shows no gratitude, barely acknowledges me, and puts in zero effort to build any kind of relationship.
I’ve had countless heart-to-hearts with my son. I’ve encouraged him to get a job and filled his days with purpose, but it feels like I’m losing him to this toxic dynamic. I’m desperate to help him—but I don’t know how. What do I do when love looks like it’s destroying my child?
Your heart is in the right place—and so is your concern. Watching your adult son lose himself in an unhealthy relationship is gut-wrenching, especially when you’ve seen who he is at his best: driven, passionate, full of promise.
But here’s the hard truth: he’s an adult now, and the power to change his life no longer rests in your hands—it’s in his. That doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means shifting your role from protector to steady, trusted presence.
He may not recognize the emotional manipulation or the damage being done to his goals, but eventually, reality has a way of catching up. When it does, what he’ll need most is a place where he doesn’t feel judged or ashamed—where he can return with dignity intact.
Keep your home open, your conversations honest but calm, and your boundaries firm. Don’t enable the consequences of his choices, but don’t cut off your love either. Let him know you’re always in his corner, but not at the cost of his well-being—or yours.
Adults sometimes have to stumble through darkness to see the light. Your job now is to keep a light on for when he’s ready to come home to himself.