We grow up believing that love is the main ingredient. That love conquers all, that love is the answer, that love is all you need. It’s stitched into pop lyrics, woven through rom-coms, and preached by well-meaning elders. And while love is essential, beautiful, and often the force that starts it all, it is not, and has never been, enough.
Because here’s the truth they don’t put in the movies: Life is a constant stream of problems. Tiny ones like dishes in the sink. Medium ones like tight budgets and sick pets. And big, gut-wrenching ones like family deaths, career upheaval, infertility, or betrayal. If your relationship can’t weather problems—if the person beside you avoids conflict, gets defensive, stonewalls, or becomes cruel when challenged—then it doesn’t matter how wildly in love you are. You’re building a life on a fault line.
The better question isn’t, “Do they love me?” The better question is, “Do they solve problems with me?”
Can they sit in discomfort without blaming? Can they hear hard truths without shutting down? Can they disagree without disrespecting? Can they repair after rupture? Do they take accountability, make amends, and work for change?
Love matters, yes. But love is a feeling. Problem-solving is a skill. And when it comes to building a life—the long haul, the messy, mundane, magnificent everyday—skills beat feelings every time.
Too many people stay in toxic or ill-fitting relationships because of love. Because the chemistry is intense, or the history is long, or the idea of being without this person is too painful to consider. But if every disagreement turns into a war, if every issue becomes a cycle of blame or avoidance, then the love isn’t sustaining you. It’s draining you.
A healthy relationship is two people facing the world together, not two people fighting each other about how to face it. It requires maturity, emotional regulation, and a commitment to growth. It demands conversations that are honest, uncomfortable, and compassionate. And it means knowing that conflict is not a sign of doom—it’s an opportunity to deepen trust, build intimacy, and grow resilience.
So the next time you’re wondering if you should stay, or whether someone is “the one,” ask this: When life punches us in the gut, will they get in the ring with me? Will they roll up their sleeves, open their heart, and help figure it out? Will they hold me accountable while still holding me close?
You deserve someone who doesn’t just love you when it’s easy. You deserve someone who chooses the hard work with you. Who doesn’t run when it gets complicated. Who makes you feel safer, not smaller, in the face of challenge.
Love is the seed. But shared problem-solving is the water, the sun, the tending. It’s what makes a relationship bloom—not just once, but again and again, through every season of your lives together.