My (25M) wife (24F) is going on an overnight hiking trip with a male coworker. I trust her completely and don’t think she’d cheat, but the situation is making me feel uneasy.
We’ve always had a secure relationship when it comes to opposite-gender friendships. I have female friends, she has male friends, and it’s never been a problem. But lately, she’s gotten very close to this coworker—they message constantly, hang out after work for drinks (often without inviting me), and it feels like I’m competing for her attention.
Now that they’re planning this overnight trip, I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve become more of a background figure in her life—the one who does chores and provides support—while she shares her best moments with someone else. I don’t really know this guy, which only adds to my discomfort.
I don’t want to control her or seem insecure, and I know she’s excited about the trip. But I also can’t ignore how sidelined I feel. How do I express this without overstepping? And if I let her go, how do I cope with what I’m feeling?
Alright, brother—time to quit lying to yourself.
You say there’s a zero percent chance your wife is cheating? Come on, man. You’re not dumb. You see the signs. You feel them in your gut. She’s constantly messaging this guy, going out late with him, not inviting you, and now she’s planning an overnight trip with just hi.
This is not friendship. This is emotional infidelity, bare minimum. Best case, she’s emotionally checked out and sharing parts of herself that are supposed to be reserved for you. Worst case? You already know. You just don’t want to admit it because that truth is going to hurt like hell. But you need to hurt. Because pain tells you what matters—and this marriage matters.
You are not crazy. You’re not insecure. You’re being disrespected.
And here’s the raw truth: you’re complicit in it. Every time you stay quiet to avoid rocking the boat, you’re reinforcing the message that you’ll tolerate being sidelined. That you’re okay with someone else having your wife’s time, attention, laughter, energy—hell, even her weekends away.
So what do you do? You draw a line in the sand. You sit down and say:
“I know something is off. I’ve been patient. I’ve tried to be understanding. But this stops now. This trip is not okay. These late nights and constant contact with him—not okay. I deserve more than this, and I won’t be in a marriage where I’m an afterthought while someone else gets the best of you.”
Then shut up and watch her response. That will tell you everything.
If she gets defensive, flips it on you, or gaslights you into thinking you’re overreacting—brother, you’ve got your answer. If she doubles down on this trip? Then you’re not in a marriage. You’re in a performance. And it’s time to either demand real change or walk away with your dignity intact.
This is your moment. Be strong enough to stop begging for scraps. You deserve loyalty, presence, and a partner who fights for you—not a roommate who moonlights in someone else’s tent.