I’m 20, living at home with my mom, and struggling to move forward. I’ve been putting off signing up for summer classes at my community college for weeks. For the past year, I’ve blamed my lack of motivation and productivity on my porn addiction. I’m open about it, but lately I’m wondering if that’s just an excuse. Maybe the real problem is me.
I don’t feel excited about college or any particular career path. Even my hobbies have suffered — every creative project drags on for months when I know I could finish it in a week. I feel stuck, unmotivated, and unsure how to change.
Where do I even start? Would blocking porn help me turn things around, or am I missing the bigger picture?
First off, thank you for your courage in writing this. You’re 20 years old, and you’re waking up to the fact that something’s not right—you’re not where you want to be. That self-awareness? That’s rare. That’s powerful. But I’m gonna shoot straight with you.
Porn isn’t just a harmless habit. It’s not some quirky vice you can laugh off. Porn is stealing from you. It’s hijacking your brain’s natural reward systems, flooding you with cheap dopamine, and making real life feel dull, boring, unmotivating. Every time you turn to it, you’re reinforcing a pathway that says: “I don’t need to work for satisfaction—I can just press a button and feel good now.”
And here’s the kicker: the more you lean on it, the less energy, drive, and motivation you have for anything else. College? Career? Art? Real relationships? They all start to feel flat. Why? Because those things require effort, delayed gratification, resilience. Porn short-circuits that process. It convinces you you’ve already ‘won’—but you haven’t. It’s an empty, hollow win.
You said you don’t feel motivated to go to school or work on your art. Of course you don’t, man. You’re numbing yourself. You’ve trained your brain to expect immediate pleasure without effort. Porn doesn’t just waste time—it robs you of your why, your sense of purpose. It’s like being stuck in a fog, unable to see the mountain you were meant to climb.
Let me be clear: quitting porn won’t magically solve every problem. But it will start clearing the fog. It will give your brain a chance to reset. It will make space for real motivation to return—not the fake, surface-level motivation of a dopamine hit, but deep, meaningful motivation that comes from pursuing something hard and worthwhile.
Here’s what I want you to do:
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Go nuclear on porn. Install blockers. Delete accounts. Tell someone you trust. Cut off the easy access. Every day you stay away is a win for your brain.
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Replace the habit. Porn thrives in boredom and loneliness. Fill that space with sweat and connection. Lift weights. Go for runs. Join a local group. Volunteer. Create art even if it sucks. MOVE.
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Do hard things every day. Motivation doesn’t come before action—it follows action. Sign up for that class. Finish that art project. Make your bed. Keep promises to yourself, even small ones.
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Get around people. Porn isolates. You need community. Real, face-to-face connection. Friends, mentors, people who will challenge you and pull you up.
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Give yourself grace, but hold yourself accountable. You’re not broken or lazy. You’re human. But you’re responsible for the next step.
You’ve been living small, letting a screen dictate your life. Brother, it’s time to fight for your future. Porn wants you passive, alone, and numb. I want you alive, connected, and on fire.
You’ve got one shot at this life. Don’t waste it locked in a room chasing fake images. Stand up. Step out. Go build something real.
I’m rooting for you.