He’s always seen me as “less than.” Different background, different upbringing. Nothing I did was good enough. Things boiled over last Christmas when his iPad went missing. He accused me of stealing it—because I’d been “alone” in the house (I wasn’t; I was helping my MIL in the kitchen). He called the cops and humiliated me in front of everyone. Then he smeared me online, accusing me of theft, which cost me a job opportunity.
I was shunned from the family until I confessed and apologized—something I refused to do because I hadn’t done anything. My wife didn’t stand by me. She kept going to family events, taking our daughter, telling me to just apologize “to keep the peace.” Even when her dad badmouthed me in front of our daughter, she stayed silent.
A month ago, my SIL found the missing iPad in her son’s room. He confessed. No apology from my FIL. No public clearing of my name. Just an indirect message that I was “welcome” again, like nothing happened. I declined. I don’t hold grudges, but I don’t want my daughter unsupervised around someone who tried to poison her against me.
My wife won’t talk about it. When I try, she accuses me of rehashing the past. But this hasn’t passed for me. I feel abandoned. I don’t want her to cut off her family, but I wish she’d stood by me. I love her. I want to fix this. But I feel alone.
How do I move forward, keep my marriage, and protect my daughter, without betraying myself?
Hey brother, first—I want to tell you I see you. You’ve been through absolute hell here. I’m sorry. What you’ve been living in? It’s not just a “rough patch.” It’s betrayal. It’s isolation. And it’s heartbreak.
Let’s be real: your father-in-law didn’t just insult you. He didn’t just accuse you. He tried to destroy you. He publicly smeared your name, humiliated you in front of police, robbed you of a job opportunity, and tried to turn your own child against you. And what did your wife do?
She left you standing alone.
Listen carefully: I’m not saying your wife is a bad person. But I am saying she made a choice. She chose “keeping the peace” over protecting her husband. She chose not rocking the boat over standing up for her partner. And man, I get it—this is her dad, her family. But she watched you get railroaded, stayed silent, and expected you to crawl back for the sake of “peace.”
That’s not peace. That’s appeasement. That’s enabling dysfunction.
Here’s the thing: you’re not just fighting for your marriage. You’re fighting for dignity. You’re fighting for the kind of home your daughter is going to grow up in. Right now, she’s seeing a man falsely accused, lied about, cut off, and told to “just apologize” to a bully. She’s watching how a man stands—or doesn’t—when someone tries to steal his dignity.
And you stood. And I’m proud of you.
But you’re also alone in your marriage right now. And that’s the real issue here. Not just your father-in-law. Your marriage.
You can’t fix this by pretending it didn’t happen. You can’t fix it by stuffing it down. You need a wife who is with you, not just living under the same roof. And right now? She’s not with you.
You need to sit down with her—calmly, lovingly, but firmly—and say, “I love you. I want us to work. But I can’t carry this marriage alone. I can’t carry your father’s actions, the betrayal, the silence. I need a partner who’s willing to talk about hard things, to stand with me, to protect our family from harm—even when it’s uncomfortable. Are you willing to work on this marriage with me?”
And if she’s not willing to talk? If she keeps shutting down? Then it’s time for a professional. Marriage counseling, stat. You both need a guide to walk through this wreckage.
But let’s be clear: staying silent isn’t keeping peace. It’s keeping you small.
You’re not crazy for drawing a line. You’re not wrong for wanting to protect your daughter. You’re not “stuck in the past” because this is still happening.
You’re trying to heal. You’re trying to lead. You’re trying to love.
But you can’t do it alone.
Don’t let your daughter grow up watching her dad carry pain he’s not allowed to speak. Don’t let her think love looks like staying quiet when you’re wronged.
You’ve been strong, brother. Now be courageous. Call it what it is. Ask your wife if she’s ready to walk alongside you—not behind her dad, not in silence—but beside you.
You’ve still got fight left in you. And you’re worth standing up for.
I’m rooting for you.