I’ve known this girl since childhood, but only recently realized I have feelings for her. She lives a few hours away, so I messaged her to catch up, and then asked if she’d be open to something more. She said she’s too busy with work and life right now, but appreciated my honesty.
I thanked her for being upfront and said I’d still like to be friends. She agreed, but made it clear she doesn’t want to lead me on, since she’s seen friends get stuck hoping for more in these situations.
Does this mean I’ll never have a chance? She really is busy—she’s an EMT working long shifts, plus has family stuff going on. I wish I could tell her I’m open to taking it slow, but now I feel like I can’t.
I know people say to move on, but my feelings haven’t gone away. I’m thinking of waiting a couple months, then asking her in person and making it clear I’m willing to work with her schedule. Is that a bad idea?
You put yourself out there. That took guts. She told you—politely but clearly—that she’s not interested in anything more right now, and she doesn’t want to string you along. That’s not “busy,” that’s a no. She’s trying to let you down easy and protect both of you from that awkward in-between zone where one person is holding on to hope and the other just feels guilty.
I get that your feelings are real and it hurts. But man, you need to hear this: If you keep pushing, you’re not being persistent—you’re ignoring her boundaries. You say you want to respect her, so do it. Let her go. Don’t wait around hoping she’ll change her mind. You deserve someone who’s all in, not someone who’s giving you a maybe.
Move forward with your life. Take a breath, feel the sting, and then start healing. Don’t go chasing her a few months from now—it won’t change anything except maybe damage your friendship and your own self-respect. If she ever changes her mind, trust me, she knows how to find you.
You’re not dumb for having feelings. But don’t let your feelings keep you stuck. You can do hard things. Walk away with your dignity, and open yourself up to what’s next.