I’ve been married to my wife 12 years and we have 3 wonderful kids. I found out she has been cheating on me with my besfriend. They were sleeping together for 4 months in our home, and I was destroyed. I even read the dirty text messages she would send him
I decided to take her back like nothing happened. My family told me I need go be a Man Right now and move on, my family is disappointed in me for staying. My friends and family don’t want anything to doo with her
I think I stayed because she’s all I know, we met when we were young. If I leave I’m scared I’ll die alone.
Did I make the wrong decision?
Alright, here’s the deal. I’m not here to coddle you, and you didn’t come here for soft platitudes. So let’s talk straight.
You found out your wife was cheating on you—with your best friend, no less—and they did it in your home for months. You read their messages. You felt that gut punch, that world-collapsing betrayal. I don’t care how tough you are, that’ll break anybody. And in the middle of all that pain, you made a decision: you took her back. You pretended it didn’t happen.
Now your family’s pissed. Your friends have checked out. They think you’re weak. And I can see why you’re lost, because you’ve wrapped your entire sense of safety around this one person. She’s all you know. And if you leave, you’re terrified of being alone. Let’s call it what it is: you’re paralyzed by fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of starting over. Fear of the unknown.
Let’s get something straight—you’re not weak for wanting your family to stay together. You’re not broken for loving your wife, even after she burned you. That just means you’re human. But you are lying to yourself if you think you can sweep this under the rug and everything’s going to magically be okay. You can’t heal from a wound while you’re pretending it’s not there.
You asked if you made the wrong decision. I can’t answer that for you. But I will tell you this: if you’re staying with her out of fear, you’re already dying alone—just with someone next to you in the bed. That’s not marriage, man. That’s a hostage situation with extra steps.
You need to face the truth: the woman you thought you married doesn’t exist anymore. Maybe she never did. And the friend you thought had your back? He’s gone too. You can’t go back to “how things were.” That version of your life is over. Grieve it. Mourn it. Scream into your pillow if you have to. But don’t live in denial.
You want to rebuild? Fine. But that’s going to take brutal honesty, therapy, and both of you doing the heavy lifting. You want to leave? That takes guts too—and it means walking straight into that fear of loneliness and realizing you won’t die. You’ll hurt, but you won’t die. And on the other side of all that pain, you might actually find peace. Maybe even love again, someday, if you let yourself heal.
So stop making decisions out of fear. Decide what kind of man you want to be, what kind of life you want your kids to see you living, and go all in on that. Even if it’s hard. Especially if it’s hard.
You’re not alone. But you are responsible for what happens next.