Let me tell you where this all started.
A few days ago, my fiancée asked me to return a handful of things on Amazon—nothing major. Some of it was already unboxed, which, by the way, is totally fine under Amazon’s return policy. But as I gathered up the stuff, I could feel that old anxiety stirring in my chest. I started thinking, “What if the shop owner gets annoyed? What if they think I’m a hassle?” My brain spiraled into this weird, familiar shame storm, and suddenly, I was a little kid again, desperate not to make anyone mad.
That feeling—that crawling guilt, that urge to apologize for existing—is something I’ve been carrying for a long time. I can trace it straight back to my childhood.
Where the Guilt Began
Growing up, my house was not always a safe place. My mom yelled—a lot. Sometimes it was for real stuff, but often it was just for me being a kid: noisy, clumsy, needing help, or making a mess. I learned early that the best way to survive was to stay quiet, stay small, and stay out of the way. The message was simple: Don’t inconvenience anyone. Don’t draw attention to yourself. If someone’s upset, it must be your fault.
And let’s be honest—that stuff sticks with you. I wish I wasn’t in charge of my mom’s mood, but as a kid, it felt like I was. I started taking on everyone’s emotions as my responsibility. I’d hide, get quiet, and do everything I could to avoid rocking the boat.
Decades later, that little-kid wiring is still running the show. Even now, as a grown adult returning a box to Amazon, I feel like I need to tiptoe around, just in case I’m about to make someone else’s life harder.
The Guilt That Won’t Let Go
It’s not just me. So many of us are walking around apologizing for things that aren’t actually wrong—feeling guilty just for asking for help, for saying no, for having needs at all. We’ve been trained by our experiences to believe that we’re only as good as our ability to keep other people happy, to keep the peace, to never ever be “inconvenient.”
But here’s the thing: that’s a lie. A big, ugly, persistent lie.
You’re Allowed to Take Up Space
Life is messy. Being a person means sometimes you get in someone’s way. You’ll inconvenience people. You’ll need things. You’ll make returns at Amazon, or ask a friend for help, or say no to a request—and none of that makes you bad. It makes you human.
Guilt is supposed to be a signal for when we’ve genuinely hurt someone. But so often, we feel it simply for taking up space. For daring to believe that our needs matter too.
That kind of guilt? That’s not yours to keep. That’s old programming, leftovers from a story that began long ago.
How Do You Change the Story?
First, you pause. You notice that feeling and remind yourself: “I am allowed to inconvenience people sometimes. If someone gets annoyed, I can handle it. It’s not dangerous like it used to be.”
You check the facts: Did I actually do anything wrong? Or is this just me, bumping up against the old fear of being a burden?
And you keep practicing. You keep showing up for yourself—even when it feels awkward and uncomfortable. Because with enough practice, that voice that tells you you’re “too much” or “too needy” gets quieter. You start to trust that the people who care about you can handle a little inconvenience. And you realize you don’t have to apologize for existing.
Final Thoughts
If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. So many of us carry guilt from childhood into every adult interaction, even when we haven’t done a single thing wrong. You don’t have to keep carrying it. You can choose a new story.
You matter. You’re allowed to have needs. You’re allowed to take up space—even if it inconveniences someone once in a while.
And you don’t have to apologize for it.
You’re not a burden. You’re a person.
You’ve got this. Keep going.