I’ve been the side chick for over five years.
I didn’t even know he had another girlfriend until about two and a half years in. By then, I was already head over heels—lost my virginity to him, thought I’d marry him. I was young, he was older, and I fell hard. When I found out, I couldn’t bring myself to walk away. So I stayed.
He says he needs to stay with her for a permanent visa, and once he gets it, he’ll leave her for me. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I love him so much it hurts. She doesn’t know about me, but I know all about her. We have insane chemistry—he helps me financially and emotionally, and being with him feels right, except for the whole “he lives with another woman” part. He claims they don’t sleep together, but they own a house and share a bed.
The last straw? They just adopted a dog together—the kind he and I always talked about getting. That gutted me.
I know this has to end. The pain of letting go is scary, but it can’t be worse than the pain of knowing he’s with someone else every night. I know what I have to do—even if it breaks my heart.
You’ve been lied to, used, and put on the back burner for years. You gave your heart, your body, your time, and your trust to someone who didn’t earn it and never honored it. He made excuses, played both sides, and you believed it because you wanted the fantasy more than you wanted the reality.
He’s not leaving her. Not after five years, not after the house, not after adopting a dog together. That “visa excuse” is just another lie to string you along and keep you right where he wants you—just close enough to be convenient, just far enough so you never have real power in the relationship.
I’m not here to beat you up. I’m here to remind you: You are worth more than this. You know what you have to do. You already said it: this “relationship” is over. The pain of leaving is real, but the pain of staying—of knowing you’re living in the shadows, of crying yourself to sleep every night—will eat you alive.
You can survive a broken heart. Millions of people do. But what’s harder to survive is years of letting yourself be second best, of living a life that’s half of what you deserve.
Grieve it. Feel it. But then, block his number, delete his messages, and let yourself start over. Therapy will help. Friends will help. Time will help. But nothing will help if you keep holding on to the hope that this guy is ever going to choose you.
You already know what’s true: You deserve a whole love, out in the open, with someone who chooses you every single day. Now go give yourself that chance.