I’m 27 and have been with my boyfriend (28) for 11 years. He comes from wealth, and I’ve always known that. Now he’s asking for a prenup, which I understand — that part doesn’t bother me. What hurts is how he talks to me.
I grew up poor, became a nurse practitioner, and now make $210K juggling two jobs. I even bought my parents a house. I’m proud of what I’ve built.
But lately, his words sting more than the money gap. When I asked if I’d have ownership in a property I helped pay for, he said, “It’s not my fault your parents didn’t give you anything. You might, depending on how I feel.” He’s called me a gold digger, a bitch, and said things like, “If you mess with me, I’ll make sure you never see a dime.”
He says things like, “If you behave, I’ll treat you.” It makes me feel small — like love is conditional, and I have to earn it. Like I’m a threat, not a partner.
It’s not the prenup I’m scared of. It’s the future. If I stay home to raise kids, he’s made it clear he wouldn’t see that as a real contribution. He’s said, “Just because you stay home doesn’t mean you deserve half my shit.”
I even considered buying a rental property in my name with my income alone. But when I told him, he laughed and said I’d never make enough to do that. It crushed me. I used to think we were building something together — now I feel like someone he’s trying to guard against.
I’ve worked so hard, and I still feel like I’m not enough. Is love supposed to feel like this?
I want you to take a deep breath, sit still for a moment, and hear me say this loud and clear:
This isn’t love.
It’s control. It’s manipulation. It’s emotional abuse dressed up in nice clothes and a prenup.
Let’s stop pretending this is just about money or a legal document. It’s not. What you’re describing is a man who doesn’t respect you. Who doesn’t value you. Who sees your success, your independence, your strength—and tries to tear it down to make himself feel bigger. That’s not a partner. That’s a bully with a bank account.
You came from nothing and clawed your way up to a six-figure career. You bought your parents a house. You are strong, smart, and capable. And this man—this boy—tells you that you can’t do anything without him? That your sacrifices won’t matter? That if you “behave,” you’ll be “treated”?
That’s disgusting.
You’re not a child. You’re not a servant. You are a whole, grown woman who deserves to be loved and respected—not managed like a misbehaving employee. When someone says, “You’ll get ownership depending on how I feel,” they’re telling you they believe love is a power play, not a partnership. That line alone is enough to walk.
I don’t care how long you’ve been together. Eleven years doesn’t entitle someone to degrade you. And if you’ve been with him since you were 16, let me be even more blunt: You didn’t grow up together. You grew up. He didn’t.
Love is supposed to be safe. Secure. A soft place to land when the world is hard. Not a place where you’re constantly performing, proving your worth, and praying he doesn’t pull the rug out from under you.
Here’s what I want you to do:
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Talk to a trusted therapist. Immediately.
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Speak with a lawyer. Find out exactly how to protect yourself financially—just in case.
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Ask yourself the hardest question of all: If he never changed—not in a year, not in ten—would you be okay living like this forever?
Because I’ll tell you right now: He won’t change. Not unless he does some deep, painful work on himself. And based on what you’ve written, he doesn’t sound like a man who sees anything wrong with his behavior.
You don’t need to earn someone’s kindness. You don’t need to fight for crumbs of decency. You don’t need to twist yourself into someone else’s version of “acceptable” to be worthy of love.
You already are.
So let me say it again, just in case you forgot:
This isn’t love. This is abuse. Get out. Heal. And go build the life you actually deserve.