There’s a moment in every parent’s journey when they realize something essential: they don’t just want their child to behave. They want their child to know themselves, to feel worthy, and to trust their inner voice—even when the world tells them not to.
That voice, that internal compass, doesn’t come from constant praise or always “being good.” It comes from repeated experiences of being safe in their feelings, heard in their perspectives, and guided with connection rather than control.
Too often, adults unintentionally teach kids to doubt their own inner voice. It starts small: “You’re not hungry, you just ate.” “Don’t cry, it’s not a big deal.” “Say thank you even if you don’t feel like it.” These moments might seem minor, but over time, they teach a child that their body’s cues, emotions, and instincts can’t be trusted. That the way to be loved is to override what they feel in order to do what’s expected.
But when a child trusts their voice, they don’t just speak up. They believe what they feel. They don’t look outward for validation of every choice. They carry with them an internal sense of “I matter. I know what’s true for me.”
Raising a child like this requires us to tolerate their discomfort. Their defiance. Their frustration. Not because we’re permissive, but because we believe that their voice is worth protecting—even when it’s inconvenient.
This means we say things like, “You don’t have to hug anyone if you don’t want to,” even if the relative waiting with open arms is looking at us sideways. It means when our child says, “I don’t like that,” we don’t immediately correct them. We listen. We get curious. We show them that their ‘no’ is something we take seriously.
Sometimes this means letting go of our need for compliance in the short term, in favor of building self-trust in the long term. It means we repair when we’ve been too harsh, and we model what it looks like to trust ourselves too. Because our children are always watching—not just how we treat them, but how we treat ourselves. If they hear us say, “I never know what to do,” or “I’m just being stupid,” they learn that inner voices can’t be trusted. But if they hear us say, “That didn’t go how I wanted, but I’ll figure it out,” they learn that they can feel unsure and still be grounded.
The truth is, raising a child who trusts their voice isn’t about giving them power over everything. It’s about helping them understand that their feelings matter, their body matters, and their words carry weight. We guide them with boundaries, yes—but we never shame them for having opinions, emotions, or needs.
When a child grows up knowing that their voice is welcomed—not just when it’s quiet and polite, but when it’s loud, messy, or unsure—they don’t have to chase validation. They become the kind of adult who doesn’t stay silent when something feels off. Who doesn’t twist themselves to make others comfortable. Who knows how to speak up, ask for help, and walk away when needed.
And it all starts here—with how we respond to their voice now.