Hey, how do I stop being so judgmental and thinking I’m better than other people—when I know I’m really not? I realize this is an issue for me and I’ve tried to just ignore it, but I can’t. Sometimes I feel like I’m better than everyone, but other times I feel like I’m the worst person ever. It’s this constant back and forth between feeling superior and feeling inferior, and I don’t know where it comes from. It’s been this way since I was a kid, and I want to change before I get any older (I’m a teen right now).
Honestly, it’s mostly girls I feel this way about—sometimes guys, but mostly girls. And I’m a girl myself, so I don’t really get why. Whenever I see another girl online, I immediately think something negative, like “wow, she’s ugly,” and then I instantly regret it. I know I should be supporting other people, not thinking mean things about them. It’s especially bad with confident girls—I just feel this automatic dislike or even hate, and I don’t understand why. Maybe it’s insecurity or something, but I just want it to stop. I don’t know how to start fixing this.
For the record, I don’t ever say these things out loud or post them online—it’s all in my head—but that doesn’t really make it any better. I just want to change. Please help.
First, let’s call this what it is: you’re wrestling with some deep insecurity. That’s not a character flaw—it’s just a part of being human. Especially when you’re growing up, your brain’s trying to figure out where you fit, who you are, and how you stack up against everyone else. It can get messy.
You said you bounce between feeling like you’re better than everyone and then like you’re the worst person alive. That’s not weird—it’s actually super common. It’s your brain’s way of protecting you. If I’m better than her, I can’t get hurt. If I’m worse than everyone, I don’t have to try. Both of these are lies, and both of them keep you from actually connecting with people and with yourself.
And about the way you judge other girls—especially the confident ones—yeah, that’s insecurity talking. It’s a whole lot easier to pull someone else down in your mind than to face the things you don’t like about yourself. But you already know that, because you feel that regret right after. That guilt? That’s the real you, the part that wants to be kind and supportive. Listen to her.
Here’s where you start: compassion. For others, but also for yourself. Every time you catch yourself thinking something cruel, pause and get curious. Ask yourself, “What am I really feeling right now? What’s going on with me that I’m reacting this way?” You might find you’re lonely, anxious, or just feeling down on yourself. That’s where the work is—not in shaming yourself for the thoughts, but in understanding them.
It’s also worth saying: you are not your thoughts. Thoughts come and go, sometimes they’re wild and out of left field, but you don’t have to believe them or act on them. The fact that you don’t say these things out loud, that you regret them, tells me you care a whole lot more than you think.
And please—don’t try to do this alone. If you can talk to someone—a counselor, a trusted adult, or even a wise friend—do it. Get help sorting through the why behind these feelings. You deserve to know yourself, and to live without carrying this weight around.
Last thing: You’re still growing, and this will get better if you keep working at it. You’re not broken. You’re human. And the fact that you want to change means you will change, as long as you stay honest with yourself and keep showing up.
You’ve got this.