I am a six-foot-tall guy, in good shape, late twenties, decent looking, have a good job, take care of myself. On paper, it seems like I should not have a hard time dating. But I cannot even get a date. Not a single one. I try apps, I ask women out in person, I try to meet people through friends—nothing. Just constant rejection or, at best, being told I am “such a good friend.”
The part that really gets to me, though, is seeing guys who are honestly not attractive—guys who are shorter, out of shape, kind of awkward, whatever and walking around with girlfriends. I am not trying to sound cruel, but it makes no sense to me. I see couples all the time and I cannot help but think, “How did he pull that off?” It is like they have cracked some code I just do not get. Meanwhile I am out here doing everything right and getting nowhere.
Is there something I am missing?
Dating isn’t a math equation. You don’t add up “good job,” “good hygiene,” and “not hideous,” and automatically get a girlfriend as the answer. That’s not how people work. Relationships are about connection. That means confidence. That means humility. That means putting yourself out there, getting hurt, laughing at yourself, being vulnerable, and—maybe most importantly—actually being interested in people instead of keeping score.
If you walk into every interaction looking for evidence that life’s unfair or that women are choosing the “wrong” guys, you’re going to find it. But you’ll also walk around carrying a chip on your shoulder, and people feel that. Nobody wants to be seen as some “prize” you’ve earned for being tall or fit or having a job. Nobody wants to feel like they’re part of your running tally of what you’re “owed.”
Here’s some tough love: Maybe it’s not them. Maybe it’s you. If you’re walking around angry and focused on what other guys have, you’re not present, and you’re not genuine. You’re not curious about the women you meet—you’re resentful that they haven’t picked you yet. That’s exhausting energy to be around.
So take a deep breath. Step back from the comparison game. Start having real conversations with real people, with zero expectation that it has to turn into a date. Learn to enjoy the interaction for what it is. Laugh. Be awkward. Be honest about who you are, not just your stats. Focus on becoming the kind of man who’s secure in himself, with or without a relationship.
That’s the guy people want to be around—not because of looks or height, but because he’s actually present, real, and unafraid to be himself. The rest will take care of itself. And one last thing: Life isn’t fair. But it isn’t hopeless, either. Get back out there and live it anyway.