You need a third place. Not a new gadget, not another streaming subscription, not another late-night doomscroll on your couch. You need a place. A real, physical space outside of your home and your work, where you belong just because you show up. It’s not complicated, but it’s also not optional—not if you want a life that’s rich, grounded, and genuinely connected.
Let’s break this down.
First, what is a third place? Sociologists call it the space beyond home (your first place) and work (your second place)—the coffee shop, the gym, the church group, the bowling alley, the library, even the park bench where the same old-timers swap stories every morning. It’s somewhere you can walk in, take a breath, and feel—maybe for the first time all day—that you’re seen. Not by people who want something from you, or by people who need you to perform, but by people who just know your name.
Now, maybe you’re rolling your eyes. “I barely have time to see my own family, and you want me to join a chess club?” But I’m telling you, this isn’t about adding another item to your to-do list. This is about pulling your head up out of the frantic, lonely grind you’ve built around yourself and reconnecting with the actual, living, breathing world. Because here’s the truth: loneliness is killing us. We are drowning in it. Men, especially, are collapsing under the weight of it. Women too—don’t think you get a pass here.
Your third place is the antidote. It’s a little oasis from the endless buzz of obligations and notifications. It’s where you remember who you are when you’re not a parent, a boss, an employee, a partner, a caretaker. It’s where you laugh at dumb jokes, argue about baseball stats, gossip about nothing, and—here’s the kicker—you practice being a human being with other human beings.
You want your anxiety to get a little better? You want your marriage to feel less suffocating? You want your kids to see what healthy, functional adults look like? Show them you have a life outside of work and home. Show them you’re a person, not just a role.
I know it’s uncomfortable. I know the first time you walk into that book club or that rec center you’ll feel out of place. Do it anyway. You’re not in high school anymore. Nobody cares if you’re cool. They just care that you showed up, and over time, if you keep showing up, you’ll find your people.
Stop telling yourself you’re too busy, or too old, or too shy. That’s a lie that keeps you stuck and small. You don’t need to join a cult or buy a Harley. Just find your place—your place. Maybe it’s the same diner every Saturday. Maybe it’s the yoga studio. Maybe it’s the morning dog-walking crew at the park. I don’t care where, but you’ve got to start somewhere.
Your life is not meant to be lived alone, shuttling between work and home, staring at screens, wondering why you feel empty. You want to know why you feel numb? Why you’re angry all the time? Why nothing feels fun anymore? Because you’ve lost connection—with people, with place, with purpose.
Find your third place. Keep showing up. Watch your life start to come back online.
You’re worth it.