We’ve been together for six years. In our third year, I cheated on him with a close family friend because I took him for granted and didn’t value the relationship. He broke up with me for months, but when I realized how much he meant to me, I begged him to take me back. He agreed on the condition I never speak to that guy again. Since then, I haven’t cheated or been tempted, and I now see how great a partner I have.
Recently, though, I secretly reconnected with the guy I cheated with—just as friends, nothing romantic. He’s a terrible partner but a good friend, and I regretted losing that friendship. My fiancé found out, got angry, and after talking, asked for space. He sent a text with demands to continue the relationship: our wedding is postponed indefinitely, I must cut off all contact with the guy (even at family events), give him access to my devices and passwords, not hang out with male friends alone, and be home by 1 a.m. if I go out with my girlfriends. He said these aren’t negotiable, and to only call him when I decide what I want to do.
I feel his demands are extremely harsh, especially since I haven’t cheated since we got back together.
You blew up trust in this relationship—twice. First by cheating, then by breaking the only boundary your partner laid down when he took you back. And you did it in secret. That’s not a “stupid mishap.” That’s a conscious, repeated choice to gamble with someone else’s heart.
You’re right, you didn’t cheat physically this time. But you did exactly what you both agreed was off-limits. You hid it. That’s betrayal, plain and simple. If you think this is just about being friends with someone, you’re missing the whole point. Trust isn’t built on technicalities or loopholes—it’s built on consistency and honesty, especially when things are hard or inconvenient.
Now let’s talk about his “demands.” They’re a reaction to being hurt, lied to, and blindsided—twice. He feels out of control, and now he’s reaching for rules and surveillance as a way to feel safe. Is that healthy long-term? No. You can’t strong-arm trust back into a relationship. Monitoring your every move will breed resentment and anxiety for both of you. But you don’t get to complain about boundaries after you trampled the last ones.
The bottom line: This isn’t just about whether you cheated this time. It’s about a pattern of deception and broken trust. The real question isn’t if his rules are fair—it’s whether you’re both willing and able to do the brutal, honest, ugly work of healing. That takes time, therapy, and both people meeting each other halfway with open eyes.
If you think you’re the victim here, step back. You detonated a bomb in the relationship, and now there’s wreckage everywhere. Take responsibility. Own your choices. If you truly want this relationship, you need to show up—with total honesty, not just compliance. And if you’re not willing to live with his terms (or he can’t move forward without policing you), then it might be time for both of you to call it. Because right now, neither of you is building a future—you’re both just building walls.