I’m 24F and have been dating my 23M boyfriend for almost 2.5 years. Things were great at first, but for the past 9 months, I’ve felt more like his mother than his partner. I end up cleaning his bathroom, bedroom, picking up his trash, doing his laundry, and even reminding him to brush his teeth. I’ve talked to him about it, but nothing really changes.
I’m stressed from school and work, and looking after him just adds to it. He spends a whole day each week with friends, and when we’re together, he just wants to play video games. He’s even told me he likes that I’m “like his mom.” Meanwhile, my friends are getting married and having kids, which makes me question my future. Is there any way to get him to grow up, or should I just cut my losses?
You’re in school full-time, you’re working, and then you come home and become the unpaid maid and personal assistant. And what’s he doing? Hanging out with his friends, glued to video games, and bragging about how you take care of him “like his mom.” Let’s call that what it is: immaturity, plain and simple.
You’ve already had the hard conversations. You’ve tried kindness and you’ve tried being direct, and nothing’s changed. Want to know why? Because he doesn’t have to change—he’s comfortable, and you’re picking up every piece he drops.
You’re watching your friends grow up, get married, start families. You’re asking yourself the most important question: Is this the life I want? That’s your answer right there. Because you can’t force someone to grow up. People change when they decide they want to—not because you nag, beg, or plead.
So here’s what you do: set a clear boundary. Tell him, directly and without apology, what you need in a partner. Then step back and watch what he does—not what he says, what he actually does. If he steps up, great. If he doesn’t, then it’s time to walk away and make space in your life for a real adult.
You deserve someone who adds to your life, not another person you have to raise. Don’t settle for less.
“I feel like my boyfriend’s mother”