Three years ago, my parents divorced after decades together. I’m their only child, and they stayed friendly through the split — until recently.
After the divorce, my dad (62) started dating a lot. I figured he was just trying to move on, so I didn’t interfere. But a month ago, he introduced me and my mom to his new girlfriend — a 23-year-old. He was beaming, calling her an “old soul” and saying they had a deep connection. My mom asked why he was dating someone younger than his daughter, and he snapped that she was a consenting adult and it was none of our business.
At a family BBQ last weekend, he brought her along. She seemed sweet but painfully young and uncomfortable, while my dad proudly told everyone how “23 at heart” he was. The whole thing made my skin crawl.
I know it’s legal and technically not my place, but I can’t shake how wrong it feels. My mom says to let him figure it out, but every time I see him, I feel this mix of embarrassment and pity — mostly for her. I just don’t know if saying something would do any good.
Alright, let’s rip the Band-Aid off: your dad’s dating a woman who could be your classmate. It’s weird. Everyone knows it’s weird. You know it, your mom knows it, the family at the BBQ knows it — hell, even his girlfriend probably knows it, deep down.
But here’s the thing — weird doesn’t always mean your problem to fix.
What your dad’s doing isn’t illegal. It’s just sad in a very human, very middle-aged way. He’s clinging to something — youth, vitality, relevance, whatever — and using this relationship as proof that he’s still “got it.” People do stupid stuff when they’re scared of getting old. He’s trying to outrun time with a 23-year-old in the passenger seat. You can’t reason someone out of that kind of denial.
And you’re not responsible for it, either. You don’t have to pretend to approve. You don’t have to smile and nod when he calls himself “23 at heart.” You just have to decide how much energy you want to spend being uncomfortable about choices that aren’t yours.
Here’s what you can do: set emotional boundaries. If the relationship makes you uneasy, limit how much you engage with it. Don’t invite him and his girlfriend to things that are going to make everyone squirm. And when he starts talking about her like he’s starring in his own midlife rom-com, change the subject. “That’s great, Dad. Anyway, how’s work?”
You can love him and still think he’s making a fool of himself. Those two things can coexist.
At some point, this relationship will either implode — as these things usually do — or it’ll limp along until it becomes normal enough that nobody cares anymore. Either way, it’s not your job to save him from his own insecurity.
So stop trying to carry his weirdness. Let him live it. You don’t have to like it. You just have to let it be his.