I’ve been with my husband for 3 years, married for 2. He has a female friend who jumps into his arms when she sees him, which has always made me a little uncomfortable. I talked to him about it once, but since it wasn’t a huge issue, I let it go.
We hang out with her family sometimes, and she lives out of town, so we don’t see her often. This past weekend she was visiting. When she arrived, she did the jump-into-his-arms thing, which I expected.
Then she sat on his lap. She looked at me and asked, “This is ok, right?” It really wasn’t, but with everyone around I didn’t want to seem jealous, so I shrugged it off. She asked again a few minutes later. And again. Later she told me they’re like “brother and sister” and mentioned his ex-wife didn’t like it, calling her a bitch.
I didn’t grow up around their dynamic, but to me it’s inappropriate. And if you have to ask permission repeatedly, it probably is. Once someone is married, boundaries change, and I think you should respect that.
I’m not sure how to proceed because I work with her family, but I feel disrespected—by both of them. Am I justified in feeling this way, or am I overreacting?
First off, let me be clear: you are 100% justified in how you’re feeling. This isn’t about being a “jealous wife,” and the fact that she repeatedly asked for permission shows that she knew it was pushing boundaries. If it was truly a normal, brother-sister dynamic, she wouldn’t have needed to ask. The red flag here is the fact that she kept asking—it feels like she’s testing the waters and putting you in an uncomfortable spot to see how far she can push things.
You’ve already had a conversation with your husband about how her behavior makes you uncomfortable, but now the situation has escalated. Sitting on his lap is a whole different level of inappropriate, especially when she’s making a point to ask you in front of everyone. This wasn’t just casual—it felt intentional.
Here’s the deal: you don’t need to justify your feelings to anyone. When you’re married, there’s a level of respect that friends need to have for the relationship, and it sounds like she’s not respecting yours. Whether or not they’ve had this “dynamic” before, things are different now that he’s married. You’re his wife, and you should feel safe and secure in your relationship—not disrespected.
How do you proceed? This is a conversation you need to have with your husband again. Not in a confrontational way, but from the perspective of needing to feel respected and heard. Let him know that while you’ve brushed it off before, the lap-sitting and constant questioning crossed a line. He needs to understand that this isn’t about jealousy; it’s about respecting the boundaries of your marriage. And frankly, he needs to step up here and put an end to this behavior from his friend. It’s not about causing drama—it’s about establishing what’s okay in your relationship.
Also, if you’re working with her family, it makes things tricky. But that doesn’t mean you should keep quiet. You have every right to ask for boundaries to be respected. Your gut is telling you this isn’t okay, and that’s enough. You’re not overreacting, you’re standing up for the respect your marriage deserves.
At the end of the day, you deserve to feel like a priority. And if someone is making you feel disrespected—whether they mean to or not—that needs to be addressed. Trust your instincts, have the conversation with your husband, and be clear that this needs to be resolved, because you and your relationship are worth that.