I had my penis removed last year because of cancer.
First and foremost, just because you are not using a penis doesn’t mean you can’t have sex.
I mean, most would go “no shit Sherlock” but this was the biggest thing I feared before my surgery that I would never have sex again. In the last year, I’ve discovered this isn’t the case — yes, I can’t have natural penetrative sex (I’m not counting using a strap on) but now I define sex as so much more. We have oral sex, use our fingers, stimulate our nipples, even have kissing sessions and I count it as racy sex sessions. And when we do use a strap on for sex, it’s as a “treat”.
And on that point, I can say quality is better than quantity.
Before the op, we had sex about 7 times a week — and it always ended in me cumming. Now, I’d say we make it about half as many times, but the quality is amazing. As opposed to 15-20 minute sessions, we go on for over a good hour now sometimes and we often can’t look at each other afterwards.
And as I don’t have any penis, I don’t always cum but that’s alright as she has so many good orgasms now — in fact, we have shifted and she has more orgasms now than I do which I really enjoy as it gives me a massive ego boost. If before I didn’t cum, it would be the end of the world but now we know that isn’t the be all and end all.
Also, it’s taught me that body confidence is a thing in itself. After I had the op, I had months where I couldn’t face being naked around her as I felt “less than” or ashamed. Since I’ve been working on myself, I’ve learnt that being comfortable in your own skin goes a long way to feeling sexy — if you feel sexy, someone else will find you sexy too.
Lastly, I’ve learnt that communication is important especially about boundaries.
A few months back, my partner bought up the idea of pegging on myself and initially I was horrified.
We had a conversation about it again not so long ago and I dismissed it, saying flat out no. She asked me why and I said basically it would feel so emasculating to be bent over and “fucked” by her — it signifies all what has changed and has been lost by losing my willy. She said I don’t have to be “fucked” by her at all, she just wanted to make me feel better about myself. We talked long and hard, and decided that if we try anal on me, she doesn’t have to wear a strap on at all and we can use a non phallic toy to stimulate me without being “fucked” at all.
We went over my last posts and found some good recommendations for genuine prostate massagers that we may try. But by communicating, we worked it out together.
It’s early days yet, but I’m getting there and sexually in a far better place than I was 6 months ago.
How do you orgasm?
The vast majority of my orgasms come from having my balls, perineum and inner thighs stimulated typically by my partner’s tongue.
Also, I have had them from my nipples being played with. They have become an erogenous zone since my operation, and the orgasms are out of this world from them.
It is more of a “mental” orgasm I have now rather than the one you have when the penis is stimulated if that makes sense? It feels like it comes from inside now if I could describe it physically. Rather than say a 10-15 second one, it builds up slowly and crashes all over me in waves and lasts for ages.
The feeling is a million times more intense now than it used to.
Do you still ejaculate?
I still very much come. It comes from a hole created just behind my balls in the perineum area. I still have my prostate and testicles so the consistency, appearance etc is still normal- it just dribbles out.
Cum actually comes mainly from the prostate and a little bit from the balls, so I still have all that there.
My urethra was redirected through a hole just under my balls, in the perineum area so when I cum it “dribbles” out of that.
How often do you actually ejaculate? Is it still 1:1 with your orgasm or do you often orgasm without ejaculating?
It depends, I’d say if I orgasmed 3 times then 2 of them I’d ejaculate — however, it’s not a hard and fast rule.
Have you explored prostate stimulation?
Yes and no.
I’ve done it by really massaging my perineum with a vibrating sex toy, but not through my ass yet on my own. I’m still working up courage.
With the sexual experiences you have that don’t end with you ejaculating/orgasming, do you get “blue balls”?
Not necessarily is the answer — if I haven’t came in a few weeks like was the case at one point then yes — totally. However because we’re having sex a good 3 times a week again, I find I need to ejaculate once to escape that feeling.
How do you urinate? Is it the same hole you mention for cumming? And if so does that mean you simply pee sitting down?
It does come out of there yeah, I do have to sit down to pee.
Do you suffer from phantom limb syndrome?
Phantom boners are a thing.
Especially in the morning, just as I sometimes wake up — I really struggle with it mentally, it reminds me of what I’ve lost.
What kind of cancer was it?
It was very rare, it was extremely fast growing and began in my erectile tissue. Even though penile cancer is so rare anyway, my cancer was even rarer still.
Before diagnosis, what were your symptoms?
I had a really full ache, that got worse when I was hard. Then a “bump” started showing, that got bigger — it visually stood out when you were hard too. After a while, I noticed it was harder to force my pee out which by then I was seeing the Dr.
Isn’t it possible to get a new penis through plastic surgery like transgender women to men?
I had the option, but decided against it.
The tissue would be taken from my arm, so I’d have visible scarring and not only that it would be more or less cosmetic — I wouldn’t get much feeling from it.