I’m 37 so dead center millennial. I’m happy for anyone who is able to get a house who wants one, but my wife (35) and I have been living together and working for almost 13 years and have since been unable to crawl out of the eternal renting hole.
When I hear someone younger than me has a house I feel like I failed somehow, or that I’m stupid for not chasing a house in my early 20s or something.
I don’t wish badly on anyone who gets their own house or anything. this is just about my own personal inadequacies.
Housing has almost nothing to do with your worth as a man or as a partner. It’s a timing and math problem, not a moral one.
A lot of people in their early 20s who bought houses did it with help you didn’t have—family money, inheritances, down payments, living at home, or buying in a market that no longer exists. Others stretched themselves thin and are one job loss away from panic. You’re comparing your insides to someone else’s highlight reel.
And let me say this clearly: renting is not a character flaw. It’s a housing arrangement.
The danger here isn’t that you don’t own a house. The danger is that you’re letting comparison turn into shame, and shame will lie to you every single time. Shame says, “You should’ve known better.” Shame ignores reality. Shame keeps you stuck.
You and your wife have been together for 13 years. You’ve worked. You’ve built a life. That matters more than a deed.
If you want a house, great. Then you and your wife sit down, get honest about your numbers, your timeline, and your trade-offs—without beating yourselves up for the past. Regret doesn’t buy houses. Plans do.
And if you decide a house isn’t the right move right now, that doesn’t make you behind. It makes you intentional.
Last thing: every time you feel that punch in the gut when someone younger buys a house, don’t ask, “What’s wrong with me?”
Ask, “What story am I telling myself right now—and is it actually true?”
Because the truth is this: you’re not inferior.
You’re just living in a different chapter.