I’m 25, my fiancée is 29, and we have a one-year-old son. My brother is 30 and his husband is 31. I work on a farm and make $58,000 a year.
About 18 months ago, we renovated our house and I borrowed $25,000 from my brother. We agreed I’d pay him back with no set timeline. I even wrote a simple contract saying, “I will pay you back,” but it didn’t include dates or amounts.
Since then, we’ve had our son and have been living paycheck to paycheck. We haven’t been able to start paying him back yet, and he knew our situation and never pushed for money.
At Christmas, in front of our entire family who didn’t know about the loan, he brought up wanting to talk about repayment. We later texted him saying we were happy to talk, but it felt inappropriate to bring it up like that, especially on our son’s first Christmas.
The next day, he and his husband came over and laid into us. They said I’m not doing enough and told my fiancée she needs to get a job to help pay them back. I explained that the past year with a baby has been expensive—appliances broke, car repairs, $5,000 in vet bills, and other unexpected costs.
They suggested putting our son in daycare, but that’s not something we want. My fiancée has always wanted to stay home, and she’s worked in childcare and doesn’t trust it for our son.
I told my brother we currently have about $900 to our names but that we do want to pay him back. I offered to start with $10 a week and increase it as we get back on our feet. He said $10 a week was insulting and that our reasons were just excuses.
My brother and his husband earn significantly more and live comfortably. They’re now pursuing surrogacy and want the $25,000 back to help fund a second child in the future.
So, am I wrong for offering to pay $10 a week for now?
You borrowed $25,000. That’s real money. And when you take someone’s money, even if there’s no timeline written down, you’re still on the hook. Your brother’s income doesn’t change that. Their travel doesn’t change that. Their surrogacy plans don’t change that. It’s their money.
Now—was it wrong to bring it up at Christmas in front of everyone? Yep. That was immature and passive-aggressive. Adults handle money privately. They own that part.
But here’s what you need to hear: $10 a week on a $25,000 loan isn’t a repayment plan. It’s avoidance with a polite tone. At $10 a week, you’re basically saying, “See you in 50 years.” That’s not serious.
You chose renovations. You chose to borrow. You chose to have a baby. You chose a single-income household. Those can all be good choices. But every choice has math attached to it.
And you don’t get to say, “I need to look after my family first,” like that ends the conversation. That’s what every person with debt says. Your brother trusted you. He helped fund your home. That debt is part of your family reality now.
Also—your childcare decision is yours. They don’t get to dictate how you raise your kid. But when you owe someone $25,000 and you offer $10 a week, you can’t be shocked that they question your setup. That’s not control. That’s numbers.
Here’s the grown-up move:
1) Sit down and build a real repayment plan.
2) Show them your budget so this isn’t just emotion and excuses.
3) Increase income or cut spending—pick something concrete.
4) Start with an amount that actually matters, even if it stings.
This isn’t about rich versus poor. It’s about integrity.
You’re not a bad guy. You’re a stressed-out young dad who’s underwater. But you borrowed money. So now you have to act like a man who borrowed money: own it, fix it, and stop comparing bank accounts. That’s just a distraction from the debt sitting on your table.