My husband’s (33M) dad (60s) and his wife (60s) are visiting and my baby will be 17 months old when they’re here. They’ll stay at our house for a couple of weeks and a resort for another week. The resort is an hour away from our house.
They have never babysat for us before — not even for 10 minutes — but my stepmother-in-law is trying to convince us to stay at the resort for a night for our anniversary. I keep saying no because we’ve never been away for a night, but somehow she isn’t getting it.
My husband dances around things, so he says stuff like, “Ahhh we’ll see… probably not,” even though he’s a hard no too.
They haven’t even babysat our kid for ten minutes, and now they want to babysit for a whole day plus overnight? That feels weird, right?
She keeps bringing it up and trying to convince us that we need a night alone. But we get every night alone from 7pm to 7am. Neither one of us is itching for a “night alone.” We never complain to either of them about being parents, so I don’t know why she’s convinced we need this.
Also, she’s an alcoholic and constantly smokes weed. She’s incredibly irresponsible and didn’t even raise her own son because she was addicted to crack. She doesn’t do crack anymore, but still. My husband’s dad is indifferent — I don’t think he’d care either way if she watched our kid alone or not.
Seriously though: why does she want my kid alone for so long when she’s never babysat for even a short period?
You’re not wrong for saying no. You’re the parent. You decide who watches your kid and when. End of story.
You don’t trust her — and based on what you described, that’s reasonable. Someone who hasn’t built a track record with your child doesn’t get overnight access just because they want it.
Here’s the real issue: you keep explaining and defending instead of setting a clear boundary.
You don’t need her to understand. You don’t need to justify your parenting choices. You just say:
“We’re not comfortable with overnight babysitting. Please stop asking.”
And then you repeat that exact sentence every time she brings it up. No extra details. No debate.
Your husband also needs to stop being vague. “We’ll see” is a way of avoiding discomfort, and it keeps the door open. This is his family — he needs to be the one clearly saying no and protecting his household.
And listen: pushing hard for overnight time with a toddler when trust hasn’t been built is a red flag. Your gut is speaking up. Pay attention to it.
You’re not responsible for her feelings. You’re responsible for your kid’s safety and your family’s peace.