So there’s this girl I’ve known since we were kids. I never saw her in a romantic way growing up, but some fairly recent interactions made me realize I had feelings for her and I was certain there was at least some interest on her end.
She lives a few hours away, so I chose to message her and ask her out. I start out by asking how she’s doing and then it progresses into us talking about our jobs. She’s an EMT and I’m a Retail Supervisor.
Thinking conversation is going good, I take my shot and ask if she’d be open to furthering our relationship. She responds back that she is so busy with work and stuff, that she’s not looking for anything more to at the moment, but she appreciates my honesty toward her.
I respond back thanking her for honesty and stupidly saying that I’m up to still being friends and talking. She accepts, but says that she doesn’t want to string me along, because she’s seen her friends get held up on relationships that never go anywhere.
Does this mean I’ll never have a shot with her. She did mention earlier in our conversation that her job has her working 24s and they’re going into their busy season and I know she has stuff going on with her family as well. So I do believe that she is busy and may not have the time to date. However, I wish she knew I was ok taking things slow and working with her schedule, but now I feel like I can’t say that to her. I know people will say just to move on, but the feelings are still there.
I’ll try to move on, but I still want to take another shot with her. I’m going to give her a couple months and than go see her in person this time and ask her again, this time making it clear that I am willing to make things work with her schedule and addressing any concerns. Is this a dumb idea?
She already gave you an answer. You just don’t like it.
“She’s busy” plus “I don’t want to string you along” is a clear, respectful no. That’s not confusion. That’s not mixed signals. That’s someone setting a boundary.
And your plan is to wait a few months, show up in person, and try again? That’s not romantic persistence. That’s ignoring what she told you because you think you can negotiate your way past her decision.
You can’t.
You’re not stuck because of your feelings. You’re stuck because you’re holding onto a fantasy version of what this could be instead of accepting reality. She is not interested in a relationship with you right now, and she was kind enough to say it directly.
Respect that.
Also hear this: when someone wants to be with you, they make space for you. Busy people date. Overworked EMTs date. People with family problems date. They find a way when they want to. She chose not to.
That’s your answer.
Trying again in a few months or showing up in person after she already declined doesn’t make you determined. It makes you someone who doesn’t respect boundaries, and that will push her further away.
Your job now is simple. Let it go. Stop planning another attempt. Stop waiting around. Stop orbiting her as a “friend” hoping she changes her mind. Go build a life, meet other people, and find someone who actually chooses you back.
You deserve someone who is excited to be with you. Not someone you have to convince.