So here’s the thing, I’m a 26 year old guy and I’ve been dating my girlfriend(24) for about 2.5 years now.
Everything was great and still is for the most part. My problem is that my gf really wants to get married and I kind of want to but I’m afraid she’ll drag me into debt and depression. When I met my gf she was not working and still is not working, so everything is on me. BTW, We stay together. I literally pay for everything, dates, rent, her car payment, my car payment, her phone bills, buy her clothes, etc. I’ve tried to help her get a job but she’s so unambitious.
My gf doesn’t seem to be ambitious or career orientated, she just wants to be a house wife or something like that. I’ve been working mad hard ever since I met her. I’ve managed to increase my salary 3 times in the past 18 months. I’m not saying she should get a job and earn what I earn, I just want her to be able to do some of her sh*t, like taking her self to the saloon or buying her self clothes, etc. I mean is it fair to make $0 per year and live off someone? I mean if we get married I will surely have to put her under my medical insurance, etc therefore increasing what I’m already spending on her.
To be honest I don’t hate her, the idea of getting married sound okay to me, but what do I do? I love my gf and it would be awesome to be with her but I also love the money I’m working hard to get. Do I dump my gf and cry in my Porsche or do I just continue to work my ass off everyday and take care of a 24 year old baby?
Right now you’re not in a relationship. You’re in a financial sponsorship program.
You’re paying for the rent, the car, the phone, the clothes, the dates, and apparently the entire adult life of another person who has decided she doesn’t need to contribute anything. And the worst part is you’ve quietly accepted this arrangement for two and a half years, which means you helped build the situation you’re now complaining about.
Let’s get something straight. There is nothing wrong with someone wanting to be a stay-at-home spouse someday. Plenty of couples choose that life. But that arrangement only works when two adults agree to it openly and build a life around it together. What you’re describing isn’t that. What you’re describing is one person grinding nonstop while the other person simply lives off the results.
And here’s the bigger problem. You’re talking about marriage while already feeling resentment. That’s like pouring concrete over a crack in the foundation and hoping the house won’t split later.
If you marry her hoping she’ll suddenly become ambitious or financially responsible, you’re setting yourself up for a decade of anger and exhaustion. People rarely transform their core habits just because a wedding happened.
So before you even think about marriage, you need to have a direct conversation that you’ve clearly been avoiding. You need to tell her the truth about how this arrangement is affecting you. Not sarcastically, not passive aggressively, not as a joke about crying in a Porsche. Just honest.
You tell her you can’t carry the entire financial load forever and that you need a partner who contributes to the life you’re building. That contribution could be a job, a plan, education, or a real shared vision for the future. But right now there is no plan. There’s just you working harder and harder while she stays exactly where she is.
And if she hears that and still has no interest in changing anything, then you have your answer.
Because marriage doesn’t magically fix mismatched values. It amplifies them.
The real question isn’t whether you want to cry in your Porsche. The real question is whether you want to spend the next thirty years feeling like the only adult in your own household.