I’m a 40-year-old single dad, and my daughter is 19. Her mom passed away 9 years ago, so it’s basically been the two of us ever since. I’ve always tried to keep communication open so she feels like she can talk to me about anything.
Last week, she started to bring something up but backed out. After that, she made a few jokes about OnlyFans, which felt like she was testing my reaction. A few days later, she asked me for money to buy a DSLR camera. We already have cameras at home, and I offered her one, but she insisted on a specific model.
When I asked why, she told me she wants to start an OnlyFans. I didn’t say much in the moment and told her we’d talk later. When I brought it up again, she said she’s serious.
I know she’s legally an adult, so I can’t control her, but I also don’t feel right helping her do this. I don’t know how to handle it without either pushing her away or acting like I’m okay with something I’m not okay with.
You need to get clear on your role here. She is 19, so you do not get to control her. But you are still her dad, and you do not have to finance, support, or bless a decision that goes against your values.
So let’s make this simple. Do not buy the camera. Do not help her build this. Do not pretend to be neutral if you are not neutral.
You can love her completely and still say, “I am not funding this.” That is not cruelty. That is a boundary.
And then you get curious. Not interrogating—curious. What’s driving this? Is it money? Attention? Independence? Influence from friends or social media? Because this isn’t really about a camera. This is about a young person trying to figure out identity, autonomy, and how to make money fast.
Your job isn’t to control her. But it is to guide her and put boundaries around what you will and won’t participate in.
Also, be honest with yourself. This path has real, permanent consequences. Once something is online, it’s not coming back. Future relationships, jobs, how people treat her—fair or not, it matters. She may not be thinking long-term yet. You have to.
Stay steady. Don’t explode, don’t joke it off, don’t avoid it. Be the adult in the room who can handle a hard conversation without flinching.
She tested the waters with those jokes because she wanted to know if it was safe to tell you. Now she has. What you do next will set the tone for your relationship going forward.