My wife is a stay at home mom and we have a five year old who just started homeschooling about three months ago. Since we started, it’s been rough.
My wife has a bad temper, and when our daughter doesn’t understand something right away, she’ll yell at her, get frustrated, and sometimes just give up and walk away while our daughter is crying. She’s said things like “if you can’t do it then I’ll throw all your toys away.”
The other day she texted me: “Think our daughter is fucking retarded.”
I asked her why she would say that, and told her I think we should stop homeschooling.
She said she doesn’t want to and then followed up with:
“It makes me really sad that I think about her this way and then what will other people think
We did letter D all day today. She took a break. She got frustrated so we stopped
I just need a lesson plan. Not just Khan academy
I think I need to start over with the letter sounds and letters in general. We need to put our foot down. We are forgetting she’s only five. She’s never been to school. If we don’t practice everyday then we can’t expect her to know it. It starts with me because I’m the primary homeschooler
The last thing I ever want to do is fail her
Give me another chance”
I’ve already given her multiple chances.
I told her I think our daughter needs to go to regular school. I told her she talks down to her and about her, and asked how she would feel if a teacher said “your daughter is fucking retarded” or yelled at her for not understanding something.
I want our daughter to start regular school as soon as possible, but my wife wants to keep trying homeschooling.
Your daughter is not the problem. Your wife’s behavior is the problem.
Calling a five year old “retarded” is not frustration. That is emotional abuse. Full stop.
And yelling, threatening, and walking away while your kid is crying is not teaching. It is damaging. That stuff sticks. It rewires how a child sees themselves. You are watching your daughter learn “I am stupid” in real time.
This is no longer a debate about homeschooling philosophy. This is a safety and development issue.
Your number one job is protecting your daughter.
Your daughter needs to be in a safe, stable learning environment. Right now, she does not have that.
Your daughter should go to school. Not as punishment, but as protection.
Your wife also needs support. Counseling or anger management can help her learn to handle stress in a healthier way.
You need to set a clear boundary: we do not speak to our child like that. Ever.
If you don’t step in now, your daughter will carry this for years.