I have much lower calorie needs than my partner. I’m thin, have IBS, and can’t handle a lot of food. He’s more active, slightly overweight, and eats about double what I do. I’m fine with him eating more, and I try to keep our meals healthy.
The problem is I feel like I’m paying for it, either financially or with my time. We split groceries and eating out evenly, and we split kitchen duties, though I cook more because his meals don’t sit well with my stomach. When I cook, like making tortillas, I might make 10 thinking they’ll last me several meals, but if he’s over, he’ll eat most of them right away or the next morning, leaving me with almost nothing.
The same thing happens with leftovers. I’ll save food because I can’t finish it, and then I wake up and he’s eaten it. Recently my mum made me a special meal, and he ate most of that too.
When I bring it up, he says he can’t help eating more and that we’re equals, so I shouldn’t be selfish. I feel guilty even raising it, but I also feel frustrated and resentful. I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or if this is something couples are supposed to just accept.
Eating your leftovers is not “his body needing more calories.” That’s him ignoring a basic boundary. Eating food your mom made specifically for you is not hunger. That’s entitlement.
And yes, it’s also inconsiderate. Not in a small, accidental way, but in a repeated, patterned way. Because this keeps happening after you’ve brought it up. That means he knows it bothers you and keeps doing it anyway.
Now here’s the fair part you’re trying to give him credit for. He cannot help that he needs more calories. Fine. That part is real. But he can absolutely help everything around that. He can leave your food alone. He can respect your property. He can respect your space and your needs. He can buy more food, cook more food, or replace what he eats. Those are choices.
And then he flips it on you and calls you selfish. That’s the part that really matters. Because now you’re not just dealing with inconsiderate behavior, you’re dealing with someone who won’t take responsibility and instead makes you question yourself.
Equality in a relationship does not mean identical consumption. It means fairness. And fair would look like him contributing more financially if he eats more. Fair would look like him not touching your food unless you offer it. Fair would look like him making sure you always have what you planned for yourself.
You need to stop hinting and start drawing lines. Your leftovers are yours. Food your mom made is yours. If he wants more, he can make more, buy more, or plan more. But it doesn’t come out of your portion.
And if he keeps brushing that off or calling you selfish, then this is bigger than food. This is about whether he respects you when it costs him something.