I can’t stand my husband anymore. We’ve been together six years, married for one, and we have an eight month old baby. He’s always been bigger, but about a year and a half ago his weight got out of control and now he’s over 400 pounds. I understand people change, but he refuses to do anything about it.
He has no energy and is constantly falling asleep, even while driving, which is terrifying. I’ve begged him to go to the doctor for years and he just won’t go. He always says he will, but never follows through. He’s on my insurance, so coverage isn’t the issue.
I’m the main breadwinner working over 60 hours a week. He lost his job after New Year’s because he was calling out too much and literally falling asleep standing up at work.
I still care about him, but I don’t want to be close to him anymore. I don’t want to kiss him. I pull away when he tries to cuddle. He smells bad and I have to hold my breath just to walk past him sometimes.
I’ve suggested counseling, going on walks, going to the gym together. I’ve done everything I can. I’ve taken care of myself and our baby, but I refuse to take care of him like he’s another child.
It’s heartbreaking, but if he doesn’t change soon, I don’t think I can stay in this marriage.
You’re not crazy. You’re living with someone who is actively self destructing and putting you and your child in danger.
Falling asleep while driving is not just a bad habit. That is a medical emergency. That is how people die. That is how kids lose parents. This is not about weight or attraction anymore. This is about safety, responsibility, and reality.
Right now, he is choosing comfort over his family. I know that sounds harsh, but it is the truth. He is avoiding doctors, avoiding change, and avoiding ownership while you carry the entire load. That is not a partnership.
And your body is telling you the truth. The disgust, the pulling away, the resentment. That does not come out of nowhere. That is what happens when respect erodes.
You cannot fix him. You cannot motivate him. You cannot love him into changing. He has to decide he wants to live differently.
So here is where you get clear and firm.
You sit him down one time, not in anger, not in passing, and you tell him the truth.
This is no longer optional. He needs to see a doctor immediately. He needs to address whatever is going on, whether it is severe sleep apnea, depression, or something else. And there needs to be real follow through, not promises.
And you draw a line. Not a threat. A boundary.
“I love you, but I will not stay in a home where my partner is refusing medical care, putting our child at risk, and not participating in life. If you choose not to get help, I will make decisions to protect myself and our child.”
Then you stop arguing. You watch what he does.
If he takes action, real action, then you have something to work with.
If he doesn’t, you already have your answer.
This is not about abandoning him. This is about refusing to go down with him.
You are already carrying a baby. You do not need to carry a grown man who refuses to stand up.