About two to three years ago, I started a relationship with a married man. I know I shouldn’t have, but I fell in love with him.
His wife eventually found out. It turned into a huge situation. She confronted me, and it led to her asking him for a divorce. After everything, he and I ended up reconciling and decided to try a real relationship.
I know I was selfish. I’ve already gone over that in my head a thousand times, so I’m not looking for judgment. I just need advice.
Since then, his ex wife has done everything she can to make my life difficult. She’s exposed personal things about me to my family, and because of that, I’ve lost close relationships with both family and friends.
Now I’m pregnant. I don’t want an abortion for personal reasons, so I’m keeping the baby. But I have no real support system. My partner is in the middle of a divorce, I’m trying to keep my new address private for safety, and the stress is overwhelming.
On top of that, he’s no longer staying in his home and might lose it, even though he told me that wouldn’t happen. I had hoped that eventually we could build a life there together.
I know this is messy, but I also know it won’t be like this forever. Right now, I just need advice, especially from anyone who’s gone through pregnancy without much support.
I’m also not sure how much support I’ll actually get from my partner. He doesn’t seem very excited about the pregnancy, but I know he has a lot going on.
Has anyone been through something like this? What should I do?
You didn’t just fall into this. You participated in building it.
You chose a man who was already committed to someone else. He chose to betray his wife. Both of you ignored the damage while it felt good, and now you’re living in the fallout. This isn’t bad luck. This is the predictable outcome of unstable choices.
And now you’re shocked that things are unstable.
Let’s talk about him first.
This man lied to his wife. He blew up his marriage. He made promises to you about stability that he couldn’t keep. He’s not stepping into this pregnancy with strength or clarity. That’s not a man who suddenly becomes dependable because a baby is coming. That’s a man who has a track record of avoiding responsibility until things collapse.
Now you.
You’re still talking like this is a love story that got complicated. It’s not. It’s a situation built on dishonesty that never had a solid foundation. And you’re still centering your future around what he might become instead of what he’s already shown you he is.
You say you’ve beaten yourself up already. Fine. Then stop repeating the same pattern of thinking.
Because right now, you’re still doing it.
You’re hoping he’ll stabilize.
You’re hoping things will “blow over.”
You’re hoping you’ll eventually build a life together.
Hope is not a plan. And hope built on someone else’s inconsistency is how you end up stuck.
Here’s the reality you need to accept fast:
You are about to bring a child into a situation where the father is unreliable, your support system is gone, and your life is unstable. That is serious.
So the question is not “how do I make this work with him?”
The question is “how do I make sure this child is safe, stable, and provided for no matter what he does?”
That means you stop treating him like your future and start treating him like a question mark.
You need to line up housing, income, and support as if he disappears tomorrow. Because based on his history, that is not an extreme scenario.
And one more thing.
His ex wife didn’t “ruin your life.” She reacted to a betrayal that both of you were part of. You don’t have to like what she did, but if you keep framing yourself as the victim of her actions, you’re avoiding full ownership of how you got here.
Ownership is your way out of this.
Not guilt. Not shame. Ownership.
You made choices that led to chaos. Now you make different choices that lead to stability.
Because once that baby is here, this stops being about your feelings, your relationship, or your hopes.
It becomes about whether or not you can build a life that isn’t built on broken ground.