We’ve been together for 4 years now, and it seemed like everything was great and mutual. Yesterday at dinner my soon to be wife brought up the idea of both of us having a free sleep with whoever pass before the wedding. This stupid idea of hers completely blindsided me.
I could tell that she had been thinking about it for some time, and just waiting for the perfect moment to bring it up. She said it would be healthy for our relationship and our marriage would off to a better start because of it. She also claimed it would help get everything out of our systems.
In the 4 years we’ve been together I’ve never thought about being with someone else, but it just sucks to know she doesn’t feel the same way.
Once she realized I wasn’t as excited about her idea as she was she began to retract her statements. I really didn’t talk to her after that, and just went to bed. Since this morning she’s been apologizing over texts.
I’m not sure what to feel about this whole mess. On one hand I really do love her, but I also feel a sense of betrayal from her. I’m not sure if she has a guy in mind or just wants a one night stand it.
We’re getting married just a few weeks away. A breakup seems like something that would not be fun to deal with. Outside of the emotional pain we’ve been living together for 2 years.
We have a whole wedding planned with people coming for us. I’d like to try and work this out, and maybe I’m just overreacting. My friends think I need to cut my losses and move on.
She did not bring this up randomly.
People do not risk blowing up a four year relationship weeks before a wedding unless there is something very real behind it. That “something” is almost always a person, or at the very least a strong pull toward someone.
You do not have proof she has already done anything. But the idea that she has someone in mind is not a stretch. It is the most likely explanation.
This is not about one night. This is about the fact that, right before committing to you for life, she is still looking over your shoulder.
That does not magically disappear after a wedding.
If anything, it gets worse. Because now you are legally tied to someone who already showed you they are not fully locked in.
You are focused on how hard it would be to cancel the wedding.
You need to flip that.
How hard will it be to live with this in your head for the next 5, 10, 20 years?
Wondering who it was.
Wondering if it already happened.
Wondering if it is still happening.
That is the life you are walking into if you ignore this.
An apology after getting caught saying something like this does not fix the mindset that led to it.
She did not suddenly become someone who only wants you. She just realized she might lose you.
Those are two very different things.
At minimum, this wedding needs to stop. Not delayed a week. Stopped.
You do not marry someone while you are questioning their loyalty and their definition of commitment.
If you want to give this a chance, you hit pause and get the full truth. You ask her directly if there is someone. You watch how she answers. You take your time.
But you do not walk down that aisle hoping this feeling goes away.
Because it won’t.
It will sit there, quietly, until it blows up your life later.
Right now, this is painful, messy, and inconvenient.
Later, it becomes expensive, complicated, and permanent.
Choose your hard.