Is a visit from the in-laws every 1.5 months for 2 weeks too much?
I NEVER agreed to it. I said one week max. But once they’re here they would ask to stay. Now suddenly 2 weeks in the normal. I said if it’s two weeks it has to be two months in between. Then it inches closer together. Now the norm has become 2 weeks every 1.5 months…and shaving off days of the in between.
They’re overbearing, take over the house, criticize and comment on how to raise our child.
And I feel like I’m being gaslit into thinking that it’s not even that often or that much because they just want to see their grandchild.
I’m going insane. I didn’t get off to a good start with them. Basically treated me like an insect until I got pregnant.
Theyre in the east coast and we’re in the Midwest.
What do I even do. Even if I had a good relationship with them I feel like it’s still A LOT of time to basically be living with them.
Yes. That is too much. Not because of some universal rule, but because you said it is too much and it is your house.
This is not actually an in law problem. This is a partner problem and a boundary problem.
Right now what is happening is simple. You set a limit. They ignore it. And your household allows that to happen. So the limit was never real. It was just a suggestion.
Two adults are coming into your home and running it, criticizing you, and extending their stay past what you agreed to. That only works if nobody enforces a boundary.
You cannot control them. You can control what happens in your house.
You and your partner need to get on the same page. Not halfway. Fully. This is a closed door conversation where you say clearly, “I am not doing this anymore. This schedule is not okay for me. I need our home to feel like our home.”
Then you agree on actual rules. Not flexible ones. Real ones. For example, visits are one week. Dates are set ahead of time. No extending once they arrive. If they ask, the answer is no. Not maybe. Not we will see. No.
If they book longer, you do not host longer. That might mean they get a hotel. That might mean you leave with the child for part of the visit. But something has to change or nothing will.
And the criticism about parenting stops. Immediately. That is another boundary. “We are not taking advice on this. If it continues, the visit will be shorter next time.” Then you follow through.
You feel like you are being gaslit because your reality is being minimized. You are not crazy. Two weeks every six weeks is a huge amount of time to have houseguests, especially ones who stress you out.
The hard truth is this will keep happening until you and your partner decide it stops. Not argue about it. Not hint. Decide.
You are not wrong for wanting space. You are late in enforcing it.