I’m 42. In my 20s and most of my 30s, I lived a carefree life. I worked during the week and partied most weekends. I never had much money because I spent it traveling. I’d save enough for a plane ticket and a few months abroad, then come home when the money ran out and start over.
I drank around 7 to 14 drinks a week and occasionally used recreational drugs.
When I met my wife seven and a half years ago, she was always the more responsible one. About three years ago, she encouraged me to quit drinking, and I stopped completely. We bought a house together, and I started a business.
The business is doing well. We have six employees, four company vehicles, very little debt, cash in the bank, and enough to keep investing in the business while making extra payments on our mortgage.
By most measures, life is better than it’s ever been. I’m healthier, financially stable, and in a solid marriage.
But I’m unhappy. I’m short tempered. I work all the time, and weekends don’t feel like something I look forward to anymore.
Is this just what getting older feels like? Am I depressed? Has anyone else gone through something like this after making positive changes in their life?
What you’re describing is surprisingly common.
You spent almost twenty years building your identity around freedom, novelty, travel, parties, and the next adventure. Then you replaced all of that with responsibility, routine, and building a business. None of those changes were bad. In fact, they were probably the right changes. But somewhere along the way, you may have accidentally traded aliveness for stability.
Alcohol and partying weren’t just substances. They were also excitement, social connection, anticipation, and escape. When you quit drinking, those things disappeared too unless you intentionally replaced them. Work is a terrible substitute for joy.
The biggest clue in your post is this sentence: “I have nothing to look forward to on the weekends.”
That isn’t about age. That’s about a life that’s become all maintenance and no play.
Could it be depression? Yes. Irritability, loss of enjoyment, and feeling flat can be signs of depression, especially in men. It doesn’t always look like sadness. It often looks like anger, exhaustion, and feeling trapped. It’s worth talking with your doctor or a mental health professional, especially if this has lasted for months or is affecting your marriage.
But don’t overlook something simpler, too. When was the last time you planned something that had nothing to do with making money or checking a box? Not because you deserved it after work, but because it made you feel alive.
You used to spend months exploring new countries. Now your calendar is probably filled with payroll, mortgages, and employee problems. Those responsibilities matter, but they can’t be your entire identity.
Success isn’t just building a company. It’s building a life you actually want to wake up to.
You don’t sound like someone who’s failing. You sound like someone who’s accomplished the goals he was chasing and discovered they weren’t enough on their own. That’s uncomfortable, but it’s also fixable. The next chapter probably isn’t about making the business bigger. It’s about making your life bigger again.