I’m a 25-year-old woman. I’m 5’9”, about 148 pounds, with a BMI around 21. I work out five days a week—usually a mix of cardio, abs, and weight training. I try to eat pretty healthy most of the time. My typical meals are things like salmon, tuna, chicken, eggs, and vegetables. I also work part-time as a waitress, so I’m on my feet a lot during my shifts. I do love chocolate, but not in a crazy way—I have some here and there and know when to stop.
My boyfriend (25M) is also very fit—honestly even fitter than I am—but I guess that’s pretty common.
We’ve been together for about three and a half years. Throughout that time, he’s had this weird habit of telling me that I’m going to end up with type 2 diabetes. He started saying this years ago, and it’s always confused me because I’m active, eat fairly well, and have a pretty slim build.
Last night I went over to his place after the gym. He was telling me about how he and his mom had to sit down and talk with his younger sister about how much sugar she eats, warning her that she’s going to end up diabetic if she keeps it up. While he was telling me this, he turned and looked right at me and said, “Well, to be fair, you’re probably going to end up diabetic too, right?”
I just burst into tears.
After that he was pretty cold to me the rest of the night. He barely talked to me and didn’t even sit near me. It honestly felt like he was disgusted with me or something.
Now I’m really upset and anxious. This has been going on for years, and it’s gotten into my head so much that I’m actually scheduling a doctor’s appointment to get blood work done just to make sure I’m not at risk for diabetes. What makes it worse is that he’s been mean and completely unsympathetic about it, even though he’s the one who planted this fear in the first place.
I told him, “If my test results come back and I’m healthy, you have to stop saying this to me. It’s mean, unfair, and not true.”
All he said was, “Okay.”
I still haven’t gotten a single apology for how any of this might make me feel.
This isn’t about diabetes. This is about a boyfriend who has spent years chipping away at you with a cruel, weird comment that makes absolutely no sense given the life you’re actually living.
You work out five days a week. You eat well. You’re active. You’re healthy. And somehow you’re the one sitting here panicked enough to schedule blood tests because a guy keeps planting fear in your head.
That’s not love. That’s not care. That’s not concern. That’s someone repeatedly poking at a wound just to see how you react.
And here’s the thing that concerns me the most: when you finally broke down and cried, he didn’t comfort you. He didn’t apologize. He didn’t say, “Hey, I’m sorry, that came out wrong.” Instead he pulled away and acted cold.
That tells me this isn’t a misunderstanding. This is a pattern.
Healthy partners build each other up. They make each other feel safe. They don’t spend three and a half years predicting diseases that their partner has no sign of having.
Right now you’re trying to solve the wrong problem. You’re trying to prove to him that you’re healthy enough so that he’ll stop saying these things.
No.
The real question is why you’ve tolerated someone talking to you like this for years.
You don’t need blood work to determine your worth. You need a serious conversation with yourself about whether this is the kind of relationship you want to spend your life inside.
Because if a 25-year-old man thinks the appropriate response to his girlfriend crying is to sit across the room and act disgusted, that’s not a partner. That’s a preview of a much harder life if nothing changes.
You deserve someone who speaks life into you, not someone who predicts your downfall.