My husband and I are expecting our first baby later this year after trying for a long time. He’s finishing a career training program and was offered a rare instructor course that could seriously help his future career. It’s considered the best and fastest path, but the training happens during the exact week our baby is due and would require him to travel out of state for a full week.
He told me he’d let me decide, but also admitted he’d probably feel resentment if he missed the opportunity.
At the same time, I honestly don’t think I could get over him missing the birth of our child. I want him there emotionally and physically, especially after everything it took for us to finally get here.
He pointed out that practically there may not be much he can actually do during labor, and logically I understand that. But emotionally, it feels incredibly important to me that he’s there.
Now I feel trapped between two painful choices. If he goes, I’ll feel abandoned and deeply hurt. If he stays, I worry he’ll resent me long term for missing a major career opportunity.
I can genuinely understand both sides, which is why this feels so hard. Am I being unreasonable for wanting him there no matter what, even if this really is a one-time opportunity?
No, you are not being unreasonable.
You are not asking him to skip a golf trip or a networking dinner. You are asking your husband to be present for the birth of his child and to support his wife during one of the biggest physical and emotional events of her life.
And honestly, your husband made a mistake when he handed this decision to you.
Because now you are carrying the emotional weight of whichever future hurts less. That is not fair to you. If he goes, you feel rejected. If he stays, you feel responsible for his resentment. Either way, you lose.
A healthy marriage cannot run on “you decide and I’ll quietly resent the outcome.”
Also, this idea that “there’s not much he can do during labor” misses the point completely. Presence matters. Safety matters. Memory matters. You are not asking for a medical assistant. You are asking for your partner.
Now, does his career opportunity matter? Absolutely. Especially after years of work and sacrifice. That part is real too. But births are unpredictable. Due dates are guesses, not appointments. He could go and still make it back in time. Or you could go into labor while he’s gone and he misses something neither of you can ever get back.
The bigger issue here is not the training. It is whether the two of you can sit down together and decide what kind of family culture you want to build.
Because resentment grows in silence and assumptions. If he stays home but spends the next ten years acting like you ruined his career, that’s a marriage problem. If he goes and you carry permanent hurt from feeling abandoned during childbirth, that’s also a marriage problem.
The answer is not for one person to “win.” The answer is for both of you to fully own the choice together.
And if I were talking directly to your husband, I’d tell him this:
You do not get unlimited chances to show your wife what matters most when life gets hard and sacred at the same time. Your child will not remember that week. Your wife will.