I am 43 and have been married to my husband for six years. I have a 17 year old son from a previous marriage who is still in high school.
My husband recently told me that he is “not going to raise an adult” and plans to give my son 30 days to move out once he turns 18. My son does not have a job yet, and again, he is still in high school.
My husband says kicking him out will “build character.” I told him absolutely not. Now he says I am babying my son.
No. You are not babying your son. You are parenting him.
Turning 18 does not magically turn a high school student into an independent adult with a paycheck, housing, transportation, and the ability to support himself. Your husband is treating a birthday like an eviction deadline, and those are two very different things.
Character is built through responsibility. Give your son chores. Expect him to finish school. Help him find a job. Teach him to save money. Expect him to contribute appropriately as he gets older. Give him increasing responsibility and real consequences.
But throwing a high school kid out of his home with 30 days notice does not teach independence. It removes his safety net before he has had a reasonable chance to build one.
And there is a bigger issue here.
Your husband does not get to make this decision by himself. This is your son, this is your home, and this affects your relationship with your child for the rest of your life.
So stop arguing about whether your son is being “babied.” That is a distraction.
The conversation with your husband needs to be very clear: your son will not be thrown out simply because he turns 18. You are willing to discuss reasonable expectations for school, work, money, chores, and eventually moving out. You are not willing to participate in an arbitrary eviction designed to teach him a lesson.
Then pay close attention to what your husband does with that boundary.
Because if he insists that the only acceptable outcome is that your son loses his home, you are no longer having a disagreement about parenting philosophy. You are being asked to choose between protecting your child and keeping your husband happy.
Your son needs preparation for adulthood.
He also needs to know that his mother will not abandon him on his eighteenth birthday just to prove he can survive.