When we get into heated arguments, it’s easy to start shouting. But research shows that shouting is actually an ineffective way to persuade someone.
According to Vanessa Bohns, a professor at Cornell University, shouting comes from underconfidence in our ability to influence others. While we tend to be overconfident about our own beliefs, qualities, and abilities, studies show we underestimate how much others like us and how open they are to being persuaded.
Bohns explains that this “perfect storm” leads to shouting – we think we’re right, but don’t think others will listen, so we shout to be heard.
Numerous studies back this up. Shouting makes people less likely to hear you out, especially if they already disagree. Gentler tactics work better. Rather than shouting about facts, Bohns suggests pointing out inconsistencies in what someone says versus does. Ask questions to get them thinking and engaged.
For example, if your friend says they care about the environment, but drives a gas-guzzling SUV, note that disconnect. Ask what makes them prioritize convenience over sustainability. That probes their stance without confrontation.
The key is getting someone to articulate and think through their position, not bombarding them with yours. As frustrating as it is, shouting often just ends the conversation.
It’s hard to stay calm when arguments get heated. But shouting undermines your argument and influence. It shows you don’t think you can persuade without volume. If you want to change someone’s mind, gentle persuasion is more effective. Ask questions. Point out inconsistencies in their views. And try to keep your voice down. You’ll lower tensions and increase your odds of being heard.