My girlfriend lost her job and isn’t looking for a new one. Unfortunately I can’t support us both just on my income alone. I don’t know what to do.
We’ve been together for 3 years so she is aware of my financial situation and we are very open and honest with each other about our finances.
My girlfriend was fired from her job in November for being habitually late for work. When she first lost her job I figured no big deal, I have some savings and can afford to just be a one-income household for a little bit, but as time has gone on she has indicated that she is not interested in working again and is not looking for work. She doesn’t look for work and spends most of her time either sleeping, watching TV, or playing video games. When I ask her about finding a job or what she wants to do for her next job, she just laughs and shrugs it off, saying she will “figure it out.” She has hinted at wanting to remain unemployed and just live off my earnings.
Because she isn’t working we are basically living paycheck to paycheck and our savings are dwindling. This is exacerbated by her asking me to spend money on stuff for her on top of groceries and other regular expenses.
She recently got upset when we were discussing what to get at Costco this week and she said she was hoping to buy alcohol, specifically the typical handle of Tito’s and fifth of tequila that she used to buy when she was working. I told her we should probably forego alcohol or at least buy less (I barely drink anyway) and she got upset. She also wants us to go on expensive dates and other things while she isn’t working.
She is medicated for depression so I am aware that may be at least partially responsible here. I just don’t know what to do. This isn’t sustainable for me. I love her and I don’t want to throw away our relationship, but we can’t keep doing this.
Your girlfriend lost her job months ago and has shown zero interest in finding a new one. Meanwhile, you’re busting your butt to support both of you on a single income. Let’s be real – this isn’t a partnership, it’s parasitism.
Depression is rough, I get it. But it’s not a free pass to opt out of being a responsible adult indefinitely. If she’s well enough to spend her days gaming, sleeping and boozing on your dime, she’s well enough to send out some job applications. You’re not running a charity for princesses who don’t feel like adulting.
Stop enabling her entitled behavior. No more bankrolling her alcohol habit, expensive dates or frivolous extras. Buy the basic necessities and that’s it. She’ll either have to start contributing or deal with a major lifestyle downgrade.
Give her a firm deadline to find a job and start pulling her weight financially. If she doesn’t follow through, pull the plug on this farce of a relationship. You deserve an equal partner, not a spoiled dependent. If she slinks home to mommy and daddy, so be it. I bet she’ll miraculously find some motivation once the gravy train stops running.
I know you care about her and want to be supportive. But you’re lighting yourself on fire to keep her warm and that’s not sustainable. There’s a difference between standing by your partner through hard times vs. being a doormat. It’s ultimatum time – she gets a job by X date or you walk. Period.
You can’t help someone who refuses to help themselves. Especially when they’re happy to take advantage of you in the process. Love yourself enough to demand better.
If she can’t get it together, cut your losses and find someone who will be a true partner.