We’ve all experienced embarrassing moments that seem to linger in our minds far longer than we’d like:
- That time you tripped in front of a crowd and turned beet red.
- The awkward comment you blurted out in a meeting.
- A wardrobe malfunction at the worst possible time.
- Saying the wrong thing to your crush.
These memories can pop up unexpectedly, flooding us with the same awful, cringeworthy feelings we felt in the moment. Our first instinct is often to run from the discomfort, to push the memory away, to distract ourselves so we don’t have to relive the embarrassment.
But what if, instead of fleeing, we turned toward these memories with mindful awareness? What if we recognized that the moment has passed, and all that remains is the story we tell ourselves – the same story that is prolonging our anguish?
When a humiliating memory arises, try this:
Notice the memory and the feelings it evokes, without judgment. Observe the story you’re telling yourself – how you’ve cast yourself in an embarrassing light. See that this story, not the original incident, is the true source of your present discomfort.
Turn your attention from the mental story to the physical sensations. Notice the hot flush of your skin, the sinking feeling in your stomach, the constriction in your throat. Face these sensations with gentle curiosity, like a compassionate friend. Breathe into them. Make space for them.
Inhale, imagining you are breathing in not only your own mortification, but the embarrassment of every person who has ever made a regrettable mistake. Exhale slowly, breathing out relief, self-forgiveness, even humor. Repeat this for a minute or two, envisioning yourself releasing suffering and radiating lightness with each breath.
As you open up to the present moment, let yourself appreciate something here and now – the breeze through an open window, the way the light plays on the wall, the miracle of your breathing body. Allow gratitude to fill the spaces that embarrassment had occupied.
When we stop fleeing and start embracing these cringe-inducing memories, we discover they are not the monstrous specters we feared. We recognize that everyone makes regrettable mistakes. And we learn that we can alchemize our discomfort into compassion – for ourselves and for all the other imperfect humans in this beautiful, messy world.