My (35F) best friend (36M) met his now-wife 2 years ago and I haven’t seen him since. Immediately prior to him meeting her, we were very close. We talked and texted regularly and saw each other all the time. Despite being opposite gender heterosexuals there was never anything between us beyond being close friends (and we also both had a lot of other opposite gender friends).
As soon as he met her, I stopped hearing from him. At the beginning I thought it was understandable but after a few months started to wonder why he didn’t want me to meet her. I would text him periodically to see how things were going and then one day he casually mentioned that they were wedding planning. I responded with something along the lines of “you’re engaged?!?” and he sent me their engagement photos. I was not invited to the wedding which was a year ago. He did send me a few photos but all were of just them, so I don’t actually know how big the wedding was but I do know that none of our mutual friends were invited either (we met in college and have a large group of mutual friends).
A year later I still haven’t met her. I have asked him repeatedly to get together and he always gives me wishy-washy responses like “things are crazy right now let me get back to you in a few weeks” or “let me check and I’ll get back to you” and he never does. He has done this to our entire friend group which contains people in all walks of life: men, women, married, single, divorced, parents, non-parents. He’s ghosted all of them. So I don’t think it’s something like “his wife doesn’t want him having female friends” because he’s ghosted his male friends too.
I need advice on what to do. I feel like I could take the hint and move on, I could call him out on it, or I could just continue reaching out and asking to make plans in the hope that one day he’ll find time for me.
I’m going to be straight with you here. You’re not his best friend anymore. For whatever reason, you and all his old friends are no longer what he wants or needs in his life. It really doesn’t matter why; he’s a grown man and he’s made his decision to ghost all of you. If you were still close friends, you would have known about his engagement and been at his wedding.
It’s hard and it feels terrible to lose a friend, and it’s okay to feel sad about this. But he’s made his feelings very clear about his relationship with you and the rest of your group.
I suggest you grieve for the friendship and then walk away. Don’t keep texting him; it’s unlikely that you’ll get the closure you might hope for. He has clearly chosen to cut off his ties with his past, including all his friends from before he met his wife. Calling him out won’t likely give you the truth or change the situation.
As painful as it is, he’s made his choice clear. It’s time to mourn the friendship and stop spending your energy on him. If there comes a time when he reaches out to you, then you might get a chance to ask for an explanation, but don’t count on it.
People change, and friendships can fade even after many years. It’s a normal part of life’s big tapestry. Cherish the memories of your close friendship and look forward to forming new ones with people you might not even have met yet. Accept that this chapter of your life with him is over, and focus on moving forward.